The Agency
The Year Of Lying Dangerously

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Erin: F | Grade It Now!
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How do you say "sucks" in Indonesian?

"You are NOT going in after her," Jeanie says to Billy, seconds later. Billy claims he doesn't have a choice. Yes, he does. Leave the bitch there. She doesn't follow instructions and refuses to play well with others. Let her rot. As Jeanie's instructing Billy to leave Poca the hell alone, Sam hears Big Bad's men discovering the bug that Poca placed in the statue. Oops. Billy hangs up on Jeanie. Jeanie hits redial and gets the machine. "Billy? Billy? Pick up the fucking phone, you piece of shit! Nobody hangs up on Jeanie Boulet! NOBODY! I'm gonna grab my passport, get on a plane, get on another plane, get on a boat, ride in a taxi, walk up those stairs, and open up a whole new can of Indonesian Whup-Ass! You hear me? And don't think I won't do it. Click."

Big Bad's Special Territory Of Torture. A solider yanks Poca into a room where Big Bad himself is waiting. He's all, girl, you totally paid off my driver. Your ass is GRASS. Then one of the soldiers kicks over a chair and a guy falls down with it, dead. Poca's all horrified. "You've met my driver," says Big Bad. D'oh! Guess Poca's next. Time for torture.

Back at the Happy Hideout, it's about nine-thirty in the evening and Billy's planning his Poca Pick-up. Sam's watching the compound, and he sees Big Bad leave. "We may be too late," says Sam. Billy jumps into action. Yawn. At the same time, Jeanie and Patton are gibberdy gabberding to people at command central about so much crap. Je ne m'inquiète pas. Translation: I don't care.

At Big Bad's compound, the guards open the gates to allow a garbage truck in. Sam walks along the sidewalk and jumps up to some box on the wall and quickly sticks something to it, then walks off. Inside the compound, Billy peers out from beneath the garbage truck. The little thing that Sam stuck to the box explodes, setting off alarms all over the compound.

And here's where Gil Bellows gets to fulfill his boyhood fantasy of being Super Secret Spy Guy. He runs around, barely missing a guard here, almost running into a soldier there; he's all sweaty and calm under pressure. I guess. Whatever. Okay, and there's this scene where there's a close-up on Gil Bellows's face and he PULLS THE GUN UP BESIDE HIS FACE AND COCKS THE GUN. I mean, like he's seen every James Bond film EVER or something. Seriously. It's wack. He looks retarded. He looks like he's trying to tell everyone out there, in case they weren't aware, that HE'S A SUPER SECRET SPY GUY. Gah.

More hallway running and near misses. Then Billy just walks by a room, the door opens, he shoots the two guards, enters, and finds Poca in the back room, strung up like Jesus Christ Himself. She looks alarmingly like Rocky Balboa after an extended fight with Drago. And guess what happens next? Does Billy pull on one of the dead guards' uniforms? Does he shove Poca into a rather large garbage bag? Does he run along the hallways and out the door as if he's taking the garbage out? No. No. And no. He slings her over his shoulder and WALKS THROUGH THE HALLWAYS. I mean, yeah, he's got a gun, but -- dude! DUDE! You're one guy. They're...well, more than one guy. And, sure enough, after Billy drops a couple of these baddies, he gets cornered by one of 'em and stares down the barrel of his Uzi. There are shots and, well, my new boyfriend Sam saves the day. He tells Billy to get the hell outta there. Billy wisely follows his instructions.

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The Agency

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