Amazing Race
25 Days, 50 Cities, And More Than 600 Consecutive Hours As A Family…

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Canada, dry

And then, we are in Montreal, home of many Canadians. And, I'm sure, lots of other things my American self wouldn't understand because they're in French. The Weavers and Linzes are making their way through the airport and catching cabs. As the Weavers get into their cab, Rolly says to the driver, "Are you fast?" And then he hesitates and adds, "El fasto?" Yes, that's right. The boy said "el fasto." The driver answers, "I'm not going to lose my life getting you there." That is the last time the driver will be likable for the rest of the day. Once they're in the cab, the Weavers become acquainted with their driver, who tells them, "They call me Ted." Not that his name is Ted, but that "they," whoever "they" are, call him Ted. I think Ted might be a spy of some sort. We learn here, late in the race, that the Weavers' name for the Linzes is "the G.I. Janes." That is the first nickname I've ever heard for which I literally cannot imagine any justification. Am I missing a clear resemblance between the boys and Demi Moore? Is that what the Weavers think the military looks like? Do they think "Who Dey?" is from the Army? For no particular reason, Rebecca cements her hatefulness by giving Ted the "you're the man" routine in the cab, along with the finger-guns and tongue-clicking. The finger-guns! Yipes. Finally, the Linzes get themselves a cab from the airport. Their driver asks them if they want him to go fast, and they enthusiastically say yes. And then he asks, "You got big money for me?" They laugh and say they do. Hey, there's nothing wrong with capitalism.

Meanwhile, we learn that the Bransens' flight to Montreal has been delayed, and a very unbelievable in-flight voice that I believe is cribbed from a CD called Generic Sound Effects About Travel, Vol. 2 tells them that they'll be landing late, at about 5:25 PM. Ouch.

Ted brings the Weavers to the train station. Mama Weaver makes him look deeply into her eyes so that her piety can crawl into his soul and pitch a tent, and she tells him to stay and wait, because she'll be back. She would never lie to you. She is holy. The Weavers run off into the station. They run down a bunch of stairs and start into a tunnel. Meanwhile, the Linzes, in their own cab, are told that they're close to the right place. The Weavers run down a long hallway, following signs to the CDP Capital building. As they run, they spot the clue box along the hall, tucked back into a little corner behind a wall. When they pull the clue, it reveals this week's Detour, which is a choice between Slide It and Roll It. Slide It is curling, and it requires each of the team members to make a reasonably decent shot in curling, which is, as a couple of teams will note, roughly like shuffleboard on ice. In Roll It, you travel to an arboretum and "use traditional lumberjack tools" (such as buttered scones and women's clothing) to move four logs along a track. The Weavers choose the curling, and they set off for McGill Arena. Outside, they find their way back to Ted, and they ask him to take them to the rink. Ted insists that he knows where it is, and they go on about how wonderful Ted is. It's not that I don't like to see people appreciate the locals, but there is a level of toadying on the subject of Ted that quickly borders on the unseemly.

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Amazing Race

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