Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Floden opines on the mat that she let her partner down. Which she did. And then he goes on to say that he couldn't have asked for a better partner, so apparently he doesn't even care if you fucking bail, so that's totally ass of him also. And then after they smooch, he says he has something to ask her. And I really can't recap what comes next, except to say that it's probably the first time I've ever loudly booed a marriage proposal. BOOOOO! El Hornio stands there blinking, like, "Dude." Like a kitty caught in the headlights, if you will. And Phil says, "Wow," because what else can you say? So Floden says yes, and they'll get married, and he thinks she's great, and people are so goddamn goofy sometimes that I honestly can't believe it, but bully for them, I suppose. She interviews about blah blah blah, together forever, and I officially have a heart filled with motor oil, because I just absolutely do not care.

The palate-cleansing visages of my favorite team come up next, as Kris talks about how they have everything it takes to finish first on the next (and, obviously, final) leg. And Kendra says that "it's a new race now," and she and Freddy will be better than ever. With, hopefully, less whining about other cultures as we get closer to the United States. El Hornio says that now, it's win time. A little montage of teams promising that they're going to work their hardest to win goes by, and then it's time for the break.

Commercials. That thing with Gladys Knight playing rugby is just wrong.

When we return, we are in Xi'an, which Phil says is "rich in history," and used to be the capital. And then there's the eight-mile wall that was the pit stop. Well, not the entire wall, probably, although come to think of it, I kind of wouldn't be surprised to see El Hornio eating and sleeping at one end and Rebecca mingling at the other.

5:27 AM. Kris and Jon, still my favorite team just as much as they were yesterday, are ready to go. They are visor-less this morning, which emphasizes the fact that if a cuter boy has ever been on this show, I've certainly never seen him. The clue refers to starting "the journey home," and tells them to start by heading to Honolulu, Hawaii. Phil explains that this 5600-mile trip to Honolulu will lead to a drive to a state park where they'll get a clue. Kris absolutely beams as she reads the clue that says they have $200 for the leg. Phil explains also that local law doesn't let you book international departures from the airport, so they'll have to reserve through a local travel agent or a business center before they go to the airport. Kris and Jon head back to their hotel, as they voice over some more about winning, and about the new focus on that rather than on not being eliminated. Back at the hotel, they learn that the business center isn't open yet, and they start to call travel agents to see if they can book their tickets.

6:46 AM. Nuance. (How much ass did Kris kick on that lock-and-key thing, people?) Of course, Princess Kendra is very happy about heading for Hawaii, which is so pleasantly touristy and won't require her to associate with the icky people who live in other countries anymore. Oh, and she voices over that they won't be "the sweet, nice people that [they] have been." Oh, dude. That was so funny I almost popped an artery. Kendra isn't going to be so nice anymore? Holy Geneva conventions, Batman. When they get back to the hotel, Kris and Jon are still there, so they've apparently killed quite a bit of time at the hotel desk trying to book the damn tickets. Freddy gets on the phone and starts making calls, just as Kris and Jon decide that this sucks, and they're going to head for the travel agent. They go outside and hop in a cab, and I am so nervous about that decision. Oy.

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Amazing Race

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