Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Kris and Jon pull up outside when Nuance is just leaving. They head inside, and they eat. Surprisingly, they manage to eat pizza without acting like they're going to die.

In my favorite development in a grim last few minutes, Freddy stops a cop car and asks it to lead him and the Princess in their taxi to Ping Tom Memorial Park. "It's an emergency," he says. "What's the emergency?" the cop asks. Freddy, suddenly getting called on the shit he's been pulling for the entire trip, backs away as the Princess points out that you really can't do that shit with a police officer. Freddy admits it's a race, not a technical "emergency" in a police sense. They get in their cab. It would have been awesome if they'd gotten arrested.

Hornio lands. Who cares?

Nuance's cab calls for directions to Ping Tom.

Kris and Jon keep eating. Nuance needs more directions. Hornio gets a taxi to the pizza.

Kris and Jon finish eating and get the Ping Tom clue, so they head out. They get a cab, and their guy claims to know where the Ping Tom thing is, so that's deceptively promising.

Hornio eats pizza.

Nuance tries to get directions, but nobody knows where they're supposed to go. Hornio continues choking down pizza.

In a particularly obnoxious fake-bake, the show continues to pound the idea that Nuance is lost and that Kris and Jon are on the way to the park. Both of these teams pull up and stop at the entrance. Ugh. I don't mind the fake edit of the close ending, but it's very irritating when it's coming down to a really cool team and a really obnoxious team. I'm just not in the mood to be toyed with. Nuance is the first to get out and run. And then they're getting out and running. Freddy and Kendra run, and then Kris and Jon are running as well, but just as Kris and Jon get to a set of train tracks they have to cross, the bar comes down and they can't cross.

So, here come Freddy and the Princess, a weak-ass team that, over the course of the entire race, won all of one whole leg and featured a woman who never did one damn thing without complaining and embarrassed her entire country, and they're heading right for the mat, because it just wasn't a season where weak-ass hurt you very much. I think this victory is actually harder for me to swallow than Flo, in some ways. Flo was a harpy, but she never went out and basically accused poor countries of being really disgusting and intrusive, and that "breeding" shit? I mean, Flo went to Vassar. Say what you want about Flo, but she would have sooner died than spit out that kind of claptrap, even if she thought it, which I don't think she would have. And until the last couple of legs when she melted down, Flo knew what she was doing, and she actually did some work at airports and whatnot. And also, she was balanced out by Zach, whom I love, as opposed to by Freddy, who seems like pretty much of a blank slate, other than being pretty and having a nice laugh. It's just ridiculous. The entire season was very unsatisfying, dominated by endless fighting, pushing and shoving, asshole behavior, ugly Americans, the complete dominance of luck over skill, and just way too many people who were obnoxious and unpleasant to begin with and never got any better. And it's just the right ending, because this team manages to be both boring and offensive in a way that just makes the whole season feel like it never even happened and doesn't even count. And it kind of doesn't count, to me. A toy season, a toy ending, and a toy winning team that would be flattened in a heartbeat by Flo and Zach, let alone any of the teams that used to win back when it was an actual competition and not a parade of arguing whiners.

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Amazing Race

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