Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Back to the (sucking) Windy City

And here come Kris and Jon! Woot! They get their entrance tickets, and much to Hornio's dismay, they hop on the same shuttle, so these teams will be heading for the base of the mountain together. The shuttle leaves. There is a Kris and Jon smooch. There is no Hornio smooch. I wonder if that means anything.

Nuance arrives at the mountain. They hop on the shuttle, and the shuttle takes off.

Ohhh, Hayden and Aaron. Their driver is clearly lost again. "Aaron, we need a new cab," she declares. Aaron responds by ordering her out of the cab. They hop out, and she approaches some other folks and shows them the clue. When it turns out that the cabbie was headed the wrong way, Hayden starts yelling at him -- in English, probably not very helpfully -- about how he screwed them and was driving the wrong direction and whatnot. I don't think he's going to head home and cry about it, to tell you the truth. They try to storm off with their packs, but the driver wants money. Aaron tries to walk away, but the driver grabs his pack. They're sort of out in the middle of nowhere, incidentally, so it's not clear to me how they're going to get another cab, but they seem to be very much finished with this driver. Once they get away from the driver, Hayden starts to take the whole thing out on Aaron, hitting him with a long and sarcastic snot about how she doesn't know how he intends to get anywhere now that he...sent their cab away, just like she…said to when she said they needed a new cab. Apparently, she wasn't sincere. Aaron takes it as long as he can, but it's a little too much that she's doing this while he's carrying her pack. Hee. Thus, he says, "You know what, Hayden? Take your bag." And he tosses it at/to her. Awesome. Because if you're going to bitch, you can at least manage your own luggage. I mean, I think I can get behind that.

Commercials. I hate that you can have a news update in the middle of the show, and it doesn't say anything about the gay penguins that are currently my favorite news story. What of the gay penguins, WCCO?

We return to see Hayden and Aaron still sort of in the same middle-of-nowhere location, still arguing over what to do next. They find a new cab, and once they're inside, she snorfles, "You're not upset right now at all?" "You know what?" he says. "If we're out of it, we're out of it." He adds, "There are more important things in life than any amount of money." And for a minute, I think he's going to say, "Like bouncing you the hell out of my taxi onto the pavement," but he goes for the huggy-boo route instead. Good one, dude. Way to make sure she keeps acting like that for the rest of her fucking life. She's all, "Oh, it doesn't matter, I'm sorry," as if she hasn't already apologized for being basically exactly the same way about six times. At some point, repetition is the bugaboo of the sincerity of your apology.

The lead shuttle gets to the mountain, and Hornio and Kris and Jon head for the gondolas. Nuance actually makes it onto the same gondola run, so now you're looking at a three-way tie. In a reference I kind of...don't get, Kendra compares the gondolas to being in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But don't email me, because I don't care. And every time I say that, someone emails me anyway, so I'm saying, don't. It's Kendra. I don't care.

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Amazing Race

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