As is customary for TAR finales, we will only say this: blah blah blah, BJ and Tyler win, ick.
Previously: We had joy, we had fun, we had about seasons of hairy and non-hairy dudes I don't ever need to see again, even if they are carrying money at the time.
After the credits, in an unusual move, we go directly into the show, beginning with Phil's reintroduction to Bangkok. Look, tuk-tuks! I miss tuk-tuks. Anyway, Phil (in a gorgeous watermelon-colored shirt -- two thumbs way up!) would like you to know that Bangkok is an "exotic metropolis" full of "uniquely designed religious monuments"! And along one of the canals (I am non-proudly representing those who didn't know Bangkok had canals, because I am less cultured than vanilla yogurt), the Marble Temple. This was the eleventh (sort of) pit stop. Mandatory rest period! Eat! Sleep! If you recall, Ray and Yolanda won a trip at the end of the last leg, and this is their chance to enjoy it. Well, the beginning of it. See, they got to go to a fancy hotel, and they had the chance to go play with the hotel computer to plan their trip to Sydney. Let's look in on them right now! Because when you want breakneck action, you know what's awesome? Watching people type things on the computer. Don't you wish you could see me right now? Don't you? Watch this: QWERTY! Hilariously, we see all the mousing Ray and Yolanda are doing and none of the other overnight hotel room activities, meaning that somebody associated with this show doesn't know what to leave on the cutting room floor. Phil wonders whether they can continue "working well together" (bomp-chicka-bomp), or whether their "relationship issues" will impede their progress. No information is provided about whether they were able to get back and forth from the hotel bed to the bathroom without calling the front desk for directions. ("Left at the...lamp, sir.") Phil also wonders whether BJ and Tyler will regain their lead, or whether Eric and Jeremy will remain "consistent."
11:18 PM. BJ and Tyler. Their clue tells them to travel about 75 miles by taxi to the Royal Kraal, an elephant gathering place of some renown, where an "elephant in ceremonial dress" will hand over a T-Mobile Sidekick. Wait, I think I've had that dream. I read somewhere that it means you feel trapped between the corporate world and the elephant world. As they leave, BJ voices over that he, of course, expected when the race started that because they're so much smarter than everyone else and have more travel experience, they would naturally win every leg. He was surprised to find out that they were subject to the making of mistakes and wouldn't just "slaughter the competition." Only in the world of BJ and Tyler could that sentiment, which is basically "I am not quite as incalculably awesome as my life up until this point had led me to reasonably believe I was," qualify as an outpouring of humility. In their cab, Tyler talks about how now, they have no fear of being eliminated, and they are just racing for the finish line. I never need to hear Tyler say "losing the fear" again, I don't think. It makes me think of a movie where someone has a fatal disease and learns to love again. I am thinking as this scene concludes, "After this episode, I will never have to look at those stanky orange pants again." Their cab, incidentally, appears to be from a company called "Unseen." I wish.