Amazing Race
5 Continents…10 Countries…And More than 59 Thousand Miles!

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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And unicorns danced!

Tyler and Jeremy take the Roadblock. They climb on the first ride and bore the crap out of the local women -- both of them do, but in different ways. Tyler is more humored, while Jeremy is more ignored. The ride goes fast. The music sounds like it's from a Saved By The Bell movie. The fuck? Marry me, Kelly Kapowski! When the ride is over, they both seem to think that they saw nothing, so they run to the next ride. Question: What are the odds that the thing will be visible from a ride other than the last one, thus sapping the suspense from one of the three rides? Answer: Not good. The car on The Price Is Right ends in a zero, and the clue will be on the last ride.

Ray and Yolanda get off the toll road and need to pay, but they can't find their ticket. Honestly, where could it have gone in such a short time? Where? WHERE? Did they crumple it up and throw it somewhere? They crawl around their car looking for it, picking things up, searching under, like, the floor mats...this is where you figure out that there is no chance they're going to win. Searching for the ticket in the ashtray doesn't make you look like a couple of contenders.

After a block of commercials, we return to see Ray sent over to deal with a manager over his lack of a ticket. The manager takes pity on them and just charges them a basic amount. Ray takes the opportunity to ask the toll guy for directions to Fujikyu Highland while he's at it, and the guy knows right where it is and tells them where to go. And then, as Ray heads back into the car, the guy smacks him right on the ass. Ray is rather taken aback by this, although he seems to think it's more funny than anything. "They don't do that where I'm from," he comments to Yolanda. Nothing like a well-timed smack on the ass to keep you going when you're tired and lost.

Tyler and Jeremy ride a roller coaster. Oh, and Tyler responds to a girl telling him she likes his beard by telling her to touch it. Which she does. Sigh. Every encounter is a wacky adventure! On this roller coaster, neither of them sees anything again, but when they get off the ride, Tyler tells Jeremy that he saw it, so Jeremy starts to think he might have missed it and might have to go back and do all the rides again. On the third coaster, Jeremy is complaining that he couldn't see anything on the last ride, so he's going to keep looking. Tyler winks at us (literally) and tells us that he is full of shit in a different way than usual, and that he didn't actually see anything along the last ride. Certainly is full of wacky schemes, that one! As they head around a curve on the last roller coaster, they see a guy who is waving a big sign that says, "Lake Yamanaka." They both go to the park manager and report on what they saw, and he hands them their clues. As Tyler runs out of the park to rejoin BJ, he says -- you waited for it, and here it is -- "T-Tow." Apparently, that's what Tyler had to stop saying when he started talking about Japan, since the fact that he keeps up a constant stream of meaningless babbling means that when one thing starts to be mentioned, something else has to be dropped. Both lead teams read a clue directing them to Lake Yamanaka, where they'll take a paddle boat to a big boat shaped like a swan, which will be the pit stop. Both of them get going, with Eric and Jeremy figuring that they can beat BJ and Tyler in a paddle-boat race. "Don't tell anybody, but I was on the swan boat club in high school," Jeremy says. "I was actually the captain." See? That's funny, but he's still a putz.

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Amazing Race

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