Amazing Race
5 Continents…10 Countries…And More than 59 Thousand Miles!

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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And unicorns danced!

12:20 AM. Eric and Jeremy. There is talk of ass-kicking, and how second place "isn't an option," and they're scraping their car of frost, just as BJ and Tyler did. People seem to be using their passports for this purpose, which strikes me as a good way to get held up at customs while they blow-dry your travel documents. Eric and Jeremy do their badly-dubbed kung-fu bit, which would be funnier if it hadn't been done an enormous number of times in an enormous number of contexts. When the Choad Family runs into a fork in the road, BJ and Tyler go one way and Eric and Jeremy go the other.

3:01 AM. Ray and Yolanda. Did you see that? They wound up almost three hours behind. Three hours! They read the Alaska clue and go to their car, where they find the money from BJ and Tyler. They're happy to have a little money to start with, although they know they're going to need more than that, so they're heading back to the hotel. It's a good thing it's not a race where anyone gives a damn about doing their own work.

BJ and Tyler arrive back at the hotel where they picked up their cars, which is apparently where they need to pick up a shuttle to the airport. The shuttle doesn't leave until 6:10 AM, so Tyler asks if there is internet access that he could use. He's told that there is, and it's on the second floor. And then BJ tells the hotel guy that if he's asked again, he should act like he doesn't speak English. It's basically the same thing as cab-canceling -- it's not against the rules, apparently, but not the kind of thing I show up to watch. It's not offensive to me so much as it is...weak, you know? I think early seasons of racers would mostly have felt like...like punks doing this. They'd feel like it meant they couldn't just outhustle and outsmart your ass. I remember that Jerry Tarkanian used to say that he only half-counted victories where he couldn't beat you with man-to-man defense and had to go to a zone. He thought winning meant beating you one on one, and I'd rather see people play this the same way. No lying. Just do shit faster than other people.

Eric and Jeremy arrive at the hotel and discover the same thing about the 6:10 AM shuttle. They go inside, and Eric asks if there's internet at the hotel. The guy says there is. Then Eric asks if they can use it, and the guy seems to suddenly remember he's supposed to pretend not to understand, so he doesn't answer. Then he finally coughs up in a very unconvincing fashion that they don't have internet service. A suspicious Eric wants to know why he just said they did, then. Not so terribly fazed by this incredibly tricky scheme, Eric and Jeremy outsmart the scheme by...using the phone! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, people used to book flights even before there was the internet. I know! It's shocking.

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Amazing Race

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