Amazing Race
5 Continents…10 Countries…And More than 59 Thousand Miles!

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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And unicorns danced!

1:21 AM. Eric and Jeremy. They take their $388 and wander off in search of a taxi. Eric, still wearing the dumb tuxedo-printed T-shirt that is attempting to operate at seven levels of irony and dropping the ball at about one and a half, tells us how the race at this point is about the two of them functioning as a team. They get a cab, and Jeremy promises they're "ready to win." Eric says in the cab that he's never seen elephants close up. Only on When Elephants Attack. I think I recapped that. No, wait, I'm thinking of the other most cerebral show Fox ever televised. In other news, Eric and Jeremy's taxi has Pooh paraphernalia in the back window.

BJ and Tyler find the elephants, but the elephant place doesn't open until 4:00 AM, so they just stand around making "peanuts" jokes and doing the elephant-trunk thing with one arm. Brilliant. I think it's small children, and not actual elephants, who find that entertaining. And the children have to be really small. My particular favorite two-year-old would be like, "Yeah, hilarious. Now make yourselves useful and get me a black coffee."

1:28 AM. Ray and Yolanda. As they go for a cab, Ray points out that his relationship problems with Yolanda have added a degree of difficulty to the race for them. He tells us that relationships take on an added dimension when you're just sitting there talking about which way to turn, and all of a sudden, it's "the Amazing Relationship Race." Heh. I do think there's some evidence that non-romantic relationships, on average, have an advantage in that the relationship stuff tends to be less complicated. As was so brilliantly explained by Brian and Greg, in one of the few great moments ever captured in a clip show. Also, Ray displays here his annoying tendency to refer to Eric and Jeremy as "the Frat Girls." Everyone who thinks that there's nothing more insulting than referring to men as girls needs to meet...well, my favorite two-year-old, come to think of it. Because seriously: stop it with that shit. Particularly you, Ray, because there's a girl with you, in case you forgot.

Eric and Jeremy arrive at the elephant place, followed by Ray and Yolanda. Tyler hugs Yolanda and tells her that he's happy she's still in it. At 4:00 AM, the teams are let in, and much of the excitement centers around attempting to run to the elephants without stepping in elephant poo. Somehow, this just doesn't seem all that exciting to me. Maybe I'm spoiled on more exciting tasks, but...not stepping in crap? Anyway, when they all find the elephants, the Sidekicks are indeed presented in the elephants' trunks. Poor elephants. That is very undignified. If an elephant were capable of saying, "I'm not your dancing monkey," I'm sure that's what these particular elephants would say. That's what they're undoubtedly thinking. At any rate, the Sidekicks contain a clue telling the teams to fly to Tokyo, Japan, which is more than 7000 miles, as Phil says. Once there, they'll drive to Shibuya, which Phil says is Japan's "version of Times Square" (didn't realize we had nailed down that patent on the concept of busy intersections -- we are awesome!), where teams will look at all the big video screens to find their next clue. We learn during the Phil-over that the clue will say, "Find Hachiko." I can just imagine Ray and Yolanda getting there and being like, "God, what is with this show and finding stuff? 'Find this,' 'find that.' It's reeeally getting old."

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Amazing Race

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