Amazing Race

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Gary and Mallory are also at the souq now, and Mallory is drawn by the scent of the frankincense. "It smells like our church!" she says. Nat and Kat find Ali Baba -- I don't know how, there's no signage over the store's entrance aside from what Gob Bluth calls "Squiggly" -- but they have their Pit Stop clue. Gary and Mallory decide to ask a guy in a shop if he knows where Ali Baba is, and lucky for them, the guy they're asking is in fact Ali Baba. So now two teams are racing to the Pit Stop. Or racing as much as they can when neither teams know where they're going. Once again the teams pass each other, and Mallory freaks out. Gary asks who it was, and she babbles, "I don't know, but that was a team!" It's kind of a giveaway when you pass a car with a person in the back seat wearing a headlamp and waving a giant map around. "Ohhh, yeah," she growls as though suddenly possessed by demons. If these teams didn't keep passing each other, I'd suspect it's not nearly as close as we're meant to believe.

Nat and Kat pull up to a wrought-iron fence, lacking any confidence whatsoever that they've found the right place. But Gary and Mallory have no such doubts. Kat closes the hatch of their SUV, her giant map crumpled in her hand like a pile of hotel linen. Then both teams are on foot running, and Nat and Kat seem to have gone the wrong way -- but merely to the back entrance, which only means that they have to walk around Phil and the greeter to get to the mat. Phil tells them they're team number five. "We were hoping," they say with relief.

Finally, here are Gary and Mallory. Phil doesn't string them along, going directly to, "I'm sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race." Mallory says it's all right, and she and her dad hug. "You really wanted to do this, didn't you?" Phil asks her. She says it was one of the best experiences she'll ever have (which is really something coming from someone who's walked a runway with a swimsuit spray-glued to her ass), and she got to do it with her dad. "He's really special," she says. We'll have to take her word for it, as she burned up most of their screen time. But I'm sure he still would have been cast if he'd applied with any of his other, non-Miss Kentucky children. Gary agrees with her that they have a special bond: "She was my oldest, the boy I'd never had. [which is, I am sure, heartwarming to whatever number of brothers Mallory has]. I'm just proud to have done it with her." Mallory interviews, "I wouldn't have done it with anyone else. I wouldn't have competed in Miss America, I wouldn't have been on The Amazing Race if it weren't for the things my dad's taught me." Never let anything get between you and a camera. Oh, she means, "Keep going after your dreams. You've got one live and you have t live it. Live it full out like it's a race." Yowza, so she screams like that all the time at home, too?

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Amazing Race

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