Amazing Race

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Slumdog Would-Be Millionaires

Tammy and Victor arrive in the small village of Dhula. "We're in the middle of nowhere," Victor remarks, waving a jaunty "Hello!" out the window. In fact, Dhula appears to not only the geographic center, but also the capital and the county seat of nowhere. Bubo the cabbie points out Peepli Ka Pedh, the tree they're looking for. It's really a giant specimen, which a plume of leaves shaped like a mushroom cloud and a waist-high tangle of roots. In its voluminous shade, a couple of white-clad holy men are reclining on mats and sucking on hookahs among a small herd of goats. Also on the mats are large red telephones. These guys have a hotline to the Kremlin? Actually, there are instructions on the phones: "For your next clue, dial one of these numbers," read the decals, and there are four sets of numbers. Victor dials and listens to the recording on the line, but the tinny connection and the heavy Indian accent of the voice on the phone means they need to call Babu over for help. "Travel to Amber Fort, Gaura Parvati Parking," is what the message says. In English. Babu "translates" for them and starts driving them back the way they came. Good thing they got his help, because Victor thought they were being sent to "valet parking." That would have been tricky to find.

Mark is practically in Michael's lap as their cab approaches the village, with Team Go Team's taxi right behind them. Inside it, Jaime says they're "caravanning" with four other teams on the one-lane road into the village. The downside of suddenly being able to tell them apart is that now I can't accuse Cara of making a pun on her name. "Look at this caravan of fools," Mike says, which is a much better effort. Of course, he's saying this as his and Mel's cab brings up the rear of the column. Mel says they have a good driver. I'm sure he is, when he's not running off and leaving all their possessions in his trunk as his hostage. They all meet Tammy and Victor coming the other way. "All right guys, we're at war," Michael says for some reason. The cabs all stop, and everyone dashes over to the tree, Mike warning Mel to watch himself on the sand. The Stuntmen reach the tree first and wonder where their clue is, looking right past the big phone right in front of them. Because of course that's supposed to be there. But then the two teams behind them do the same thing, Kisha even turning over rocks to look for yellow envelopes. Mel remarks after the leg that there wasn't any reason for those phones to be there, but in real time, he looks just as confused as everyone else.

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Amazing Race

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