Amazing Race
Are There Instructions On Donkey-Handling?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Taking out the trash

Freddy and Kendra are very excited about leaving the Roadblock before El Hornio and Rebecca. You know, understandably. They get some direction toward the lookout, and they take off. Meanwhile, Victoria asks a guy whether, when she has to go inside the church, she can wear his shirt. Yeah, they're not so much with the jog bras as outerwear in the places of worship. El Hornio finally gets a clue. As he and Rebecca get their clue, El Hornio starts stomping around, whimpering like a little girl about how it was "right there" the whole time. Rebecca tries to tell him it doesn't matter, because they're not last anyway, but he is inconsolable. Until, that is, he stops and says, "Who am I yelling at?" in a way that seems to deflate his own anger. They head for the pit stop. That was an extremely weird scene.

Jonathan and Victoria reach the Roadblock. She goes in with the guy's shirt on. She examines the worshippers. She gets her clue. The worshippers aren't the only people praying over this episode, that's for sure. She and Jonathan take off.

Welcome, Nuance, you are team number four. Even after being Yielded. Not bad. Phil asks her what the Yield was like, and she says they thought they were going home. Not!

Jonathan tries to get all the people walking toward the pit stop with him to do a fist in the air. Nice one. Hornio, heading for the pit stop. Spazpants, heading for the pit stop. What! Will! Happen! Phil stares out at someone approaching. The POV shot of the grass as the camera runs over it follows. And it's...it's...it's Hornio! I won't say I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole life, but I've certainly never been so happy to see these people. Welcome, Hornio, you are team number five.

And here comes Spazpants in a moment that Jonathan apparently thinks will look grand, although the picture of him, surrounded by, like, ten bored kids wanting to be on TV doesn't exactly make him a revolutionary war hero. But he and Victoria jump onto the mat, and he says he wants Phil to say it's non-elimination. But Phil doesn't. You're the last team to arrive, and Phil is sorry to tell you, although no one is sorry to be told, that you're both eliminated. Go the fuck home. Jonathan immediately says it's okay. Phil asks Victoria how she saw the experience, and she says she was so excited, and now she's so disappointed. Jonathan yammers for a while about conquering the world or something, whatever. Victoria says they enjoyed the entire race. "Every minute." Even the shoving part. That was just the bestest, most romantic thing ever. On a cliff, they smooch. Someone really should just go over and deliver one swift...well, never mind. I just don't even really want to think about them anymore. I'm so very tired. If you'll excuse the dangling preposition, it's just not what I watch this show for.

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Amazing Race

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