Amazing Race
Are There Instructions On Donkey-Handling?

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Taking out the trash

Kris and Jon, meanwhile, get a route from Nice to Zurich, Zurich to Cairo, and Cairo to Addis Ababa. That doesn't sound so good, though it's hard to say whether that would have put them on the same Cairo-Ethiopia plane as the Model (?) Alliance. At least they'll go through Zurich and can pick up chocolate and watches and international spy money.

At the airport, Bolo bonks his hat on the ceiling while boarding the plane. There's one for the cheap seats, it's safe to say. Phil explains that Lori and Bolo are the first to get out of Nice. They'll have a layover in Rome, and then on to Addis Ababa.

At the airport, Spazpants sends Victoria to the ticket counter, and she chats it up with Alitalia. They give her a connection through Rome, arriving in Addis Ababa at the same time -- 10:00 PM -- as Lori and Bolo. In other words, they'll catch Lori and Bolo in Rome. Jonathan talks about how "Victoria was victorious," which gives me a whole new reason to look at him and want to throw up, as if I needed a whole new reason.

Lori and Bolo arrive in Rome all by themselves at about 9:30 at night, and because they can't afford a hotel, they decide to hang out at the airport until morning.

At 5:30 AM in Nice, people are beginning to stir. In a shot you could not have made up no matter how long you tried, Hayden abruptly hurls herself up into a sitting position while mostly still asleep, as if she was startled, with all the bizarre facial expressions, bird-nesty hair, and stunned demeanor that entails. Ah, morning: the great equalizer. Nobody else is looking too good either, of course. El Hornio, however, is up with the chickens, and he goes over to the Alitalia counter and wangles a seat on the same Rome route that Spazpants is on. When Rebecca hears about this, she decides to share the information with Kris and Jon. Why? No idea. I don't know how bad Kris and Jon's tickets actually were, but whatever they were, it doesn't strike me that it's in Rebecca's interests to make them better. Why you would bail out a team that good is kind of mystifying to me, but...what do I know? I just write recaps. El Hornio agrees with me, though, and he goes on a bit about Rebecca's "big mouth," and the way she shared the information with Kris and Jon. "Good work, Rebecca," he snorts.

We then move to a most unpleasant conversation between the Hornios in which he tells her that because she gave away the information, he will be the one having to bust his ass trying to outrun Jon and Jonathan to get to the charter first. He has a point, sort of, even though he's totally being a dick. She, in response, rambles on about how much she hates being with him and how bad he makes her feel. A sentiment for which I would have a lot more sympathy if she hadn't been pretty shitty to him herself on more than a few occasions. In a move El Hornio means to be firmly loving that nonetheless comes off creepy, he stops her from standing up and walking off, and sort of plunks her back down in the chair, then sits in her chair with her, sort of half on top of her. Don't do that shit, dude. It's clear that he's actually trying to be reassuring in some weird way, so he tells her he doesn't hate her for giving away the information or anything. Wow, he's just not reading her at all -- she doesn't feel bad because he's criticizing her. She hates the situation, and this isn't going to help. She doesn't want him to be responsible for all the dumb-ass behavior in the conversation, though, so she decides to crank out, "You're very abusive," an accusation for which we've seen markedly little evidence, and...really, you want to watch that. "You're just as bad as Jonathan and Victoria," she accuses, and that is definitely bullshit. She vows that as soon as they're home, she's through with him, and in the completely different conversation making up the other half of that scene (were we supposed to not notice? Sorry), she says that she's wasted all the time on him that she's going to. Good. STOP HANGING WITH HIM. Lord. You know who the guy is now. Don't like him? DROP HIM. It's not like El Hornio's basic demeanor makes it incredibly difficult to discern what kind of a guy he is. He's Weird Weepy Mama's Boy With Little Ponytail Horns. If you find it endearing? Knock yourself out. If not? Give both of you a break, dear. You're not turning him into an NFL player.

Commercials. Man, I've had that nightmare where Emeril moves into my building. It is scary, indeed. Mine always has paprika and Cajun music in it.

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Amazing Race

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