Marshall and Lance arrive at the Hermitage. And, really, who cares?

And on the fifth train into St. Petersburg are Brandon and Nicole. They share a tiny smooch on the train. "You're sweet," he says. "You're sweeter," she comes back. Now, I'll grant you, that is pretty schmoopy. But on the other hand...I mean, it's not like they were making out or something, so it's not some kind of get-a-room issue. Second of all, I see nothing wrong with the occasional schmoopy exchange, provided you're not subjecting other people to it too loudly and you're not bragging about it. Brandon voices over that he can imagine marrying Nicole, and that she's "everything a guy could want." Aw. (Oh, shut up.)

Meanwhile, Lance and Marshall point randomly all over the place, asking where the painting is. Elsewhere, Chip runs into a guy who does seem to know where to find the Rembrandts. (Yes, make your joke about the opening credits of Friends, and then move on, people. 1996 was such a long time ago.) Chip explains that he and Kim are "staunch Christians" (hmm), and that because they know the story of the prodigal son, they were visualizing what the painting would look like. It's a nice idea, but do I think it helped them find the painting? Er, no. Although maybe they could eliminate landscapes. But it would have been really funny if Rembrandt were an abstract artist and Return of the Prodigal Son had turned out to be a giant blue blob on a green background with the word "COW" written on it in purple crayon.

Still elsewhere, in one of my favorite moments, Colin excitedly whispers to Christie, "Hey! Isn't the prodigal son...Jesus?" Hee. It's not that I think it's unforgivable not to know about the prodigal son, or to think that it's Jesus, but it's very funny to see a guy who's so hyped up come running up to his girlfriend having just come to a great "discovery" that's quite that...loopy. Christie's like, "Um, okay," and then they start looking for pictures of Jesus. Christie notes that there will be quite a few pictures of Jesus in a museum of this size. (And some of the more recent ones might have the word "COW" scrawled across them.) Colin's all excited now, saying that this will clearly be a painting about "the return of Jesus." Yes, yes, I think I remember that...and they killed the fatted calf on Easter, and they put it on the Ark, and then it turned into a pillar of salt, and then it ate the sparrow that was adorned in the coat of many colors, and then it turned out that Jesus was Keyser Soze. Oh...blessed are the non sequiturs, for they shall inherit the "Whaaaaaat?"