Amazing Race
Are You Sure This Is Safe?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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How egg-stremely satisfying
Previously on No Retreat, No Surrender, Unless, Like, You Get Tired: Colin and Christie saw their lead go the way of the dodo bird when they had to wait for the opening of an opening. Linda and Karen begged for funds, thanks to Phil's merciless stripping (no, not that kind of stripping, sadly) of their money at the end of the last leg. Everyone came screeching up to the Cairo airport, where Colin and Mirna traveled several more nautical miles along their inevitable Voyage of Love. (Just kiss already!) Marshall's knees continued to make alarming creaking noises, and although a sand pit created a problem for several teams, Marshall and Lance fell so far behind that there was no option for them but to quit. And what's so great about the quitting was how they never quit. They are such heroes. It's hard to believe they don't already have their own Wheaties box, so that little kids can imagine how great it would be to grow up, have bad knees, and be a great big quitter. I wonder if they just stop cooking your pizza if they get bored in the middle. "Who will be eliminated...next?"

Credits. See, look at Charla and Mirna in that turn-to-the-camera shot! Phyllis and Phyllis, if ever you saw them. [BOMP.]

Commercials. My friend Pool Boy was so excited about Alien vs. Predator that he made me watch the trailer online. Does anything happen in that movie besides the dripping fang? Because that part, I already saw.

Dum-dum-dum-dummmm! Things are energetic from the start as we land in Luxor and then work our way up to Crocodile Island. I really wanted Phil to do a Crocodile Hunter impression, by the way -- it's almost the same accent, and I like the idea of Phil going, "Whatever you do, nev-ah, ev-ah do this," and then, like, poking a stick into a nest of poisonous spiders. ["There's a Flo joke here somewhere, but I'm going to need more coffee to get at it." -- Sars] Anyway, Strolling Phil exposits that this was the sixth pit stop. Wow, did we see last week how Colin was finger-gunning like a dork as he was running to the mat? What a tool. He's almost ready to go out and sell vinyl flooring. ("Let me tell ya, this baby practically cleans itself [finger guns]!") Elsewhere, this week in news of eating, sleeping, and mingling, we learn that Christie and one of the Twinkies put their heads close together to see if they could hear the ocean. I suspect they both did. Phil wonders whether the Colin/Christie-Charla/Mirna "hostility" will inspire them or lead to their demise. Or, of course, it could do both. That's how hostility usually affects me. He also wonders whether, having dodged Philimination twice, the Moms will pull it together this week and get off the bottom of the food chain. Seriously. They're about to turn into whatever plankton eats.

5:33 AM. Colin and Christie. The clue tells them to fly to Nairobi, Kenya, and then sign up for a charter flight to a Mystery Destination. Ooh, let's guess! Is it...Oconomowoc, Wisconsin? No? Okay, I have no idea, then. Phil elaborates that this will call for taking a marked taxi to the Luxor airport. They've got tickets that will get them on any Egypt Air flight to Cairo, the first of which will leave at 7:00 AM and the second at 10:00 AM. In Cairo, they'll have to find the fastest way to Nairobi, Kenya, where -- as Phil again mentions -- they'll get a charter to the Mystery Destination. Is it...Fresno? I bet it is. Anyway, they get $75 for the leg. As they leave, Christie voices over that they're trying really hard not to become overconfident, which is Christie for "I am kicking all of these people's asses, and besides, I am pretty, ha ha ha, and have you seen my teeth?" She tries to allow for the fact that you can be cruising along coming in first, and then find yourselves Philiminated, but she doesn't mean it. She's already counting the money. You can tell. Her mouth says, "Overconfidence is bad," but her heart says, "What's the most expensive BMW, and does it have a lighted mirror on the driver's side?"

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Amazing Race

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