Amazing Race
Are You Sure This Is Safe?

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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How egg-stremely satisfying

Linda and Karen flying-fox it across the gorge. And what are they doing? Oh, they're squeaking.

Colin and Christie land on the mat. They are team number two. It looks like Colin's pissed, but actually, I think he just burped. I'm not kidding.

Speaking of burping, Charla does, as well, as she tries to eat the end of her eggs. This is cut as a race between Kami and Charla, but it's hard to tell how close they are to each other, really.

Brandon and Nicole do the gorge, and he sort of yodels, as usual. I have a lot of affection for them, despite the fact that she had a bad week. It's kind of like Emily in India -- people do things they shouldn't do, and they lose their minds, but she really seems to be a nice person, if not necessarily a very worldly one.

"Don't look at it, Kami, just shovel it in your face," Karli advises. Well, that makes it seem more appetizing, surely. Charla and Kami both look pretty ill at this point.

Linda and Karen hit the mat. You are team number three. They look relieved. Brandon and Nicole are team number four.

Eating, eating. Kami finishes first, and she and Karli get up to go. And then Mirna and Charla get up to go.

KarmiKarli take the flying fox across the gorge. Welcome, KamiKarli, you are team number five.

Charla asks for mercy as she and Mirna cross the gorge. Mirna tells Charla to keep running, because "it might be a non-elimination." In my living room at this point, I said out loud, "Yeah, it is, as you know, but you're getting your money taken, at least, ha ha ha." I actually started thinking in my head about how good their odds would be of catching up in the next leg if they started out in Tanzania without any money.

They approach Phil on the mat. Charla is grinning. "You're the last team to arrive." And Charla stares at Phil with this obvious, expectant smile. She knows -- she knows -- it is non-elimination. She's waiting for, "The good news is..." Instead, she hears, "I'm sorry to tell you, you've both been eliminated from the race."

WHAAAAAAAT? I will tell you, even as Phil said, "I'm sorry to tell you," I expected some kind of a hook -- just kidding! Not really eliminated! Even after he said it, I was looking for the catch. But there is no catch. They are Philiminated. Mirna, of course, hugs Phil. Charla says they had "a great experience." "Charla," Phil says, "you wanted to prove something to other small people in the world, and you really did that." "I just wanted to prove to the world how much I can do," she says, crying. So if you think they made her say all that stuff? They didn't. I mean, I don't dislike or disagree with that sentiment at all, but it is hers. "And it's not easy when there's so much pointing down at you," she continues. "And always people thinking that you can't do it." You mean, like coffin-carrier drivers who think you can't run because your boneheaded partner runs up to them and says, "Small lady, not possible"? Those kinds of people? She goes on to say that she has to work "triple as hard" as "regular people." At certain particular things, this is obviously true. At other things, it's not true. She goes on about accomplishing your dreams and so forth, and then Phil totally flakes out by CRYING (oh, Phil, stay with me for five minutes without losing your composure, WOULD YOU PLEASE?) all over her about her "amazing spirit." Except for the bitchy parts, because those parts were less amazing.

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Amazing Race

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