Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Philimination, Where Is Thy Sting?

The camouflage team (and the camouflage applies only to their clothing, I assure you) is Nick and Starr, who are brother and sister (respectively) from New York and Texas (also respectively, presumably). They talk about their "close personal bond" as we see them doing a little dance routine in the park together, just like I always do with my sisters. They're both very young -- in their early twenties -- and if they're not twins they're very close. She's cute and bubbly, and he's like a cute and bubbly version of Felix Gaeta on Battlestar Galactica. If you have trouble imagining such a thing, just amp up the gay vibe. They're a bit like the Spartan cheerleaders on SNL impersonating Angelina Jolie and her brother at the 2000 Oscars.

Ken and Tina , in green, are a middle-aged couple from Tampa. They're married but separated. Here's what you need to know about Ken, in his own words: "I played seven years in the NFL...I cheated on Tina." We see them "enjoying" a day at the beach as Tina says they'll know at the end of the race whether to go on with their marriage or not. I don't know whether winning or losing would be better for their marriage. On the one hand, the stress of defeat could end them completely, but on the other, a half-million dollars worth of additional cosmetic procedures might just give Tina the confidence to put herself out on the market.

Aja and Ty are a very attractive young African-American couple who are apparently dating long-distance. I am therefore confused by their matching sky-blue Michigan sweatshirts. It's not that big a state. Their "meet-the-team" footage features them on the phone with each other and having dinner together, as they talk about how the distance makes them stronger, and how confident they are in their relationship. It just gives them more appreciation for the time they do have together. Well, the race should fix that good.

Marisa and Brooke jog onto the stadium field in matching hot-pink sweat suits. Seriously, girls? Seriously? You couldn't at least shake it up with some teal or something? Phil archly introduces them as "Southern belles from South Carolina." Feminism gets rolled back fifteen years as we see them (and hear them talking about) shopping, baking cupcakes, and being overdressed at all times. It's 'cause they're classy.

Andrew and Dan have decided to go with the sartorial theme of "novelty T-shirts and cargo shorts," which is not surprising given they are fraternity brothers from Phoenix. Now, if you think of "frat boys," you might imagine a couple of guys who are good-looking but fairly toolish. In this case, you'd be half right. Andrew looks like a poor man's Seth Rogen, whereas Dan is the type of nerd who is so accustomed to being interrupted or ignored that he always speaks quickly and loudly so as to get his thoughts across before getting tuned out. They ogle bikini chicks at a pool and push each other into the water, just to show us how fun-loving and wacky they are. In this they succeed, but not in the way they think. I'm not the biggest fan of frat boys on the whole, but these two are seriously diluting the brand.

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Amazing Race

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