Previously on I Left My Heart In Madagascar: Everybody bugged out of Mauritius and hopped over to Madagascar, which turned out to be the world capital of the underfueled-taxi industry. The "Intersection" twist was the latest Cousin Oliver to come along and try to "improve" on the concept of creatures competing to get somewhere quickly, which is basically lame, having only been around since dinosaurs started chasing each other, and which therefore clearly needs a lot of "help." The FF taught us all a little bit about counting our hairy, tooth-studded cow lips before they're eaten, and the A(AM!)s and Pointies were aced out of first place. The first-place winning BQs got there partly through very efficient work with the *wins, whom they immediately ditched; the *lyns and Dave and Mary worked about as well together as they did apart, which is to say: scrambling for last place. Still dragging around their non-elimination penalty from last week like a ball and chain, Dave and Mary had to wait out a half-hour on the mat, which was enough for the *lyns to finish ahead of them and send them home. If you watch The View, you know that upon their return, they were showered with everything short of a pet elephant with a diamond-encrusted collar, so you don't have to feel too terribly bad for them.
Credits. You know, I really hope the Ben-Hur part is soon, because we haven't seen it yet, and if they're only kidding about chariots, then I, for one, will be very irked. [BOMP.]
Commercials. I can't tell if it makes me an old lady or not, but every animated movie looks like it would annoy the crap out of me. Hey, we can ban DDT and trans fats; what can we do about Robin Williams and animated voices?
Drums! Hilltop castles! A flag! A monkey! A statue with a very long neck! We are in Madagascar, which Phil says is the fourth-largest island in the world. It is smaller than Greenland, New Guinea, and Borneo, for those of you who don't feel like opening up Wikipedia for yourselves, and it is just larger than... oh, my God, I momentarily wanted to say Bruce Vilanch, which means I am becoming Bruce Vilanch. God, it's like someone walked over my sense of humor's grave. Anyway, here is the pretty cathedral that served as the final pit stop for Dave and Mary. I do not like Phil's shirt. Phil's shirt gets a C-minus, and I am grading on a curve. You are the last shirt to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you, you've been eliminated from Phil's closet. Phil wonders aloud whether the remaining members of the former alliance will get together without Dave and Mary and "jump ahead of the other teams." Ha ha ha! Yeah, probably. It's like we're so close to that happening. Any minute, Phil.