Amazing Race
Being Polite Sucks Sometimes

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Finland, Finland, Finland

2:56 AM. Dustin and Kandice. They flash their teeth at the camera before opening their clue, which is how you know they are eagerly waiting to devour you in your sleep. The clue tells them that it is time to fly to Helsinki, Finland. That is a very serious south-to-north change of scenery. Phil agrees with me, pointing out that it's 6000 miles to Helsinki, so that's going to be a haul on the plane. I hope they have noise-canceling headphones. When teams get there, they have to find a coffee house called Kappeli, and when they arrive at the café, they'll sign on to their AOL account (barf) and receive a special surprise. I wonder if the task will be trying to convince the customer service person to cancel your account. We'd wind up with people still there, eight hours later, going, "What? What do you mean my computer will blow up if I cancel? I don't understand." Phil goes on to explain that because you never know whether you're going to be able to get a handy flight out of Madagascar, the teams have safety backup tickets to Paris later, but they don't have to use those if they can find something better. I like how they show a shot of the Eiffel Tower during this explanation, in case you forgot what Paris is. I think you are seeing here what happens when the show isn't confident that last-minute flights will be available at all -- they hedge, just in case, because they don't want people stranded in Madagascar for three days, and they don't want there to be space for one team, and then no space for another one for 48 hours. Everybody up and out! We've got things to do!

In an interview, Dustin says that people assume that things come easily to her and Kandice, but she insists that they work just as hard as anyone else. Hey, it's hard being born gorgeous and athletic! Do you know what the insurance is on a Ferrari? My wallet's too small for my fifties! My diamond shoes are too tight! They tell us that the tickets to Paris don't leave until 9:40 tonight, so they'll obviously be trying pretty hard to find something better. "I've never been to Finland," one of them observes, and then Dustin says, "Don't they wear wooden shoes?" See? Don't underestimate her because she's pretty. She got where she's going because she knows all kinds of shit.

3:08 AM. James and Tyler. Tyler says that he thinks James appreciates what a good friend he is. He says that when he picks on James about his inadequacies, James knows that it's from "a loving place." Sometimes, it's so dirty that it's all I can do to remain the classy, above-the-fray recapper that you've come to know. Not that I'm opposed to hearing more about anyone's loving place. Bring it on, Tyler.

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Amazing Race

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