Amazing Race

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Champagne-ful

Speaking of girls who are pretty but should probably not be listened to, Brent and Caite have arrived at Leclerc Briant, and Brent is taking this one. Down he goes. He likes it so much that when he gets to the bottom he almost smiles.

Jordan and Jeff giggle as they pass by an avant-garde underwear store window display. Welcome to pastoral France!

Brent seems to find his bottle quickly, so they're off in sixth place. "Unfortunately, we did not get to drink any champagne," Caite says in the car. That is unfortunate. They might have mellowed out a bit.

Louie's getting so desperate in his search that he's ready to try turning in a clump of red and yellow grapes, sans flag. Michael says that doesn't count. Louie resumes the search with a prayer to Saint Anthony. God is like, "Oh My Me, finally someone else gets called on around here."

Jordan and Jeff reach Leclerc Briant in last place, and she's laughing like a loon as Jeff realizes he's taking this one to because of her fear of small, dark places. I don't think there's actually anything intrinsically funny going on; it's just the kind of exhausted hysterics that can hit you when you're tired from traveling, like the time we were in Arizona and I laughed for ten minutes straight because I heard someone say, "Yeah, dude." Hilarious. "Hopefully I get rabies in there," Jeff jokes, milking it. Getting into his harness, he admits he's scared. "I'm not pretending like I'm cool about it or anything," he says coolly. He gets lowered down with the bearded guy, whom he remarks looks like Santa Claus. The soundtrack responds with a sleigh-bell effect. Jordan says they haven't seen anybody, "But you never know. Other teams could get lost or something."

Speaking of which, Steve and Allie have just found the same wrong Taittinger that Dan and Jordan went to earlier. The camera lurches as Steve pulls around into a parking spot, in that way that never looks like a big deal on TV but which always signals some form of fender-bender. When they get out, the right front bumper is badly bashed in, with the turn signal mangled clear out of existence. "We're gonna have to fix that," Steve says, then hurries on inside. Where they are almost immediately greeted with a French-accented, "It's not here." The same lady directs them to Pierry, which they now have to drive to in a busted-up ride. "Oh, man, you screwed the car up big time," Allie remarks as they return to the car. They get back on the road, and it's clear from a noise that's audible inside the car that something is rubbing against a wheel or something. Steve pulls over by the side of the road, and tries to pull away the inner layer of the fender from where the wheel is scraping it. He suggests Allie move the car a bit while he's holding onto it. "You want me to pull forward while your hand is right there?" Allie confirms incredulously. That's even dumber than Arc of Triomphe.

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Amazing Race

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