Amazing Race
Cheaters Never Win — And They Cheated!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Again with the racing

Commercials. Wow, is that that nice little Emily Quartermaine? Things sure have changed. I'm still waiting for the moment when her genes finally kick in and she does a movie where she jumps over an axe handle in time to music.

The Amazing Yellow Lines -- three of them! -- streak across the Amazing World Map from L.A. to Europe, demonstrating that the KLM flight stops in Amsterdam, the Lufthansa flight stops in Frankfurt, and the SwissAir flight stops in Zurich.

Several shiny happy shots of Milan greet us as Phil voices over that all twelve teams are now on their way here. Wow, look at that girl wearing nothing but webbing. I would totally wear that, if I were a completely different person from the person I am and had a different body and no judgment. Phil recaps the teams that are on each flight. He calls Amanda "Amander." This is the kind of thing that makes me want to nibble on Phil's ear, and NO, I cannot tell you why. Ditto "Moniker." (Nibble, nibble.)

Phil tells us that when they arrive in Milan, the teams will have to get to the Galleria Victoria. Hey, there's Phil! At the Galleria! He's wearing a very interesting combination of a thick white fisherman's sweater and a brown suede coat with a white-sheepy collar. I'm not sure it all works together -- it's a whole lotta thick, and it makes him look a little bit like the vet put a cone on him so he wouldn't lick his stitches. However, both the jacket and the sweater, taken individually, are very nice, especially after the parade of wrinkled lightweight nightmares he wore through the entire previous season. He wonders aloud whether the teams in the back will move up to the front, blah blah blah. And which team will be eliminated first?

At the Milan airport, a sign tells us that the SwissAir flight is delayed. The next thing you know, the SwissAir and Lufthansa flights are landing, only five minutes apart. Everyone scurries into the terminals and then looks for taxis. Kelly and Jon are first into their taxi, with Millie and Chuck right behind them. Then Russell and Cindy, Amanda and Chris, DadSteve and Josh, and Al and ClownJon, who seem to have lost a little ground inside the airport. AirSteve and Dave, however, calmly ride the moving sidewalk inside the terminal, in absolutely no hurry. That lollygagging shot is so great. They trust you to be smart enough to grasp the significance of it without saying anything about it, and they're smart enough to want you to notice things like who hustles and who doesn't, rather than focusing entirely on bungee-jumping and snakebites and things of that nature. Furthermore, the camera guy had the presence of mind at that moment to shoot it from a nice low angle and from quite a few feet back, which is exactly the right shot to emphasize the complete lack of action. It also goes by fast, so you just have time to go, "Good grief, they're --" and then it's off to the next shot. The usual fine work of your Amazing Editors and Camera Guys. Awesome.

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Amazing Race

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