Amazing Race
Cheaters Never Win — And They Cheated!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Again with the racing

David and Jeff grab train tickets into the city from the airport. Train tickets? Good grief. What's more, they snag their alliance pals into this wrongheaded notion. In an interview, David reminds us that they have an alliance, and Reichen voices over that he's not sure that David and Jeff will like them anymore once they know they're gay. I have a feeling that nobody on this entire trip is quite as preoccupied with Chip and Reichen's sexuality as Reichen is. For God's sake, they've had gay people on every edition of the race so far, so it's not like the other racers are likely to be unprepared.

Back at the Galleria, for no apparent reason, Chris is giving Josh the lead to the location of the 2:00 AM tickets. Damn, Chris, SHUT UP. Alas, Josh heads for the 2:00 AM tickets, with Dave and AirSteve are right behind him. That makes the four teams on the first bus Millie and Chuck (yay!), Chris and Amanda (yay!), Josh and Steve (boo!), and Steve and Dave (boo!). Out of four lead teams, two are on the list. That's not good.

On the train, Jeff explains that they were told that taking a train into Milan is just as fast as taking a taxi. Oh, good grief. I'd say somebody didn't study the show ahead of time, or at least didn't pay attention. "And the traffic's really unpredictable," he adds, to bolster his case.

A great edit takes us directly to the highway, where Debra and IndianaSteve's taxi is zooming along with no traffic problems whatsoever. Monica and Sheree are going by taxi as well, as are Tian and Jaree. Debra and Steve's driver takes them right past the other two teams, much to their delight and everyone else's unhappiness. "We got the slowest taxi driver on the planet," Tian loudly complains. Yeah, that'll probably help. When you find yourself pitched into a ditch by the side of the road, my lovely, I hope you'll be able to use those good looks to get your ass rescued.

On the train, Reichen is very anxious about the fact that the train still has a couple of stops to go, and he's concerned that the other three trailing teams will get to the route marker before they do, and they'll wind up battling within their alliance to avoid Philimination. (In other news, he has big ears, which you can tell because the camera is practically inside one of them.) And -- what do you know? At the Galleria, it's Debra and IndianaSteve! And Monica and Sheree! And Tian and Jaree! Man, after all this time, the Estrogen Brigade? Still wrong. Never take trains if you can take taxis -- if there were commandments in this game, that would be one.

Debra and Steve prematurely claim tickets for the 6:00 AM bus. (You'll remember that there is one set left for the 4:00 AM.) Monica and Sheree wander around asking if anyone speaks English, and then they come across Josh. Trying to make up for his airport maneuver, Josh directs them to the remaining 4:00 AM ticket. They thank him, and then they tell the camera that they figure he just made up for the airport fiasco, so they're not mad at him anymore. Clean slate. Which means Josh made a good move there, probably. He explains his decision thusly: "I just led the team that we screwed earlier to the four o'clock...it's not gonna hurt us, and they needed the help...and I really don't want those two blonde chicks with the fake tits up in there, so." You know, that made me laugh when I first saw it, but I dislike him so much at this point that now it just looks like bitter grousing. It's interesting.

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Amazing Race

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