Amazing Race
Cheaters Never Win — And They Cheated!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Again with the racing

David and Jeff? Are trying another locked exit.

Meanwhile, back in the parking lot, Tian and Jaree are suffering from continuing latch problems. They finally give up. Phil explains the rule on this, which is that you can get a new vehicle if yours stops working, but there's no time credit. I also love how he carefully says that this is the rule "if a car breaks down through no fault of the team." Primarily, I suppose, to distinguish that situation from what happens "if a car breaks down because the team fills the diesel tank with unleaded like a couple of dimwits." Or, presumably, does something equally stupid. "Let's just get out of here," Tian finally says when she's got the new SUV.

As we see him drive, Reichen interviews that Chip is the stable guy, while he is the driven, passionate guy. Wow, couldn't someone have powdered his damn forehead during this interview? Going blind from glare over here, people. Next, we check on Russell and Cindy. In another creepily chilly interview, Cindy points out that Russell is "very bright." "He's my security blanket," she adds. Feh. He, on the other hand, interviews that he's worried about her freaking out. In the Steve/Josh car, Josh is busy assuring his dad that they'll be at the airport in time to get on the first plane.

Kelly reads us the information about the flights in a little more detail. Lufthansa and SwissAir both leave at 2:55, but KLM doesn't leave until 3:50. She turns and looks at the camera. "We do not want the 3:50," she says, waggling her finger in the Big Wavy S-Shape Of Don't Even Get Up In My Face. Just then, ClownJon and Al cut them off egregiously in traffic. "Oh, no, he didn't!" BuffJon says angrily. "Oh, NO, he didn't!" In the clown car, ClownJon says, "It's a good thing we're from New York, right? We can deal with the traffic situation." Whatever, clown. In the other car, BuffJon is still upset. "Oh my gosh," he is saying, apparently not taking swearing lessons from Amanda. Kelly tells him to chill, and in an interview, she points out that with him being from New Jersey and her being from Texas, "It's like The Sopranos meets The Dukes of Hazzard." Wow. Guns all around! She says that he will be all macho about the race, and she'll be going, "Woo!" Meh.

In Chuck and Millie's car, he comments that Kelly and BuffJon are in front of them, and Millie orders him not to lose sight of them. Chuck voices over, "Millie is the only girl I've ever dated; she's the only girl that I've ever really loved. But, yes, uh, marriage does scare me." I swear, the last time I saw a guy as tightly wound as Chuck, he was inside a sarcophagus. I don't think Chuck would even need the entire two weeks to turn a lump of coal into a diamond. She then says in her interview that if he doesn't propose soon, their relationship will be over. Well...you know, it occurs to me that they're both wrong. I mean, he sounds like he's got big old issues of some kind to be able to date the same girl for an entire round of cicadas and then still be afraid of marrying her. But for her to be sitting on her ass for twelve years waiting for the guy to propose? That's also goofy.

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Amazing Race

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