Amazing Race
Check Your Tires Because…Oh God, You Never Know What'll Happen!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Barbarians at the gate

At 2:05 PM, here come AirSteve and Dave and Kelly and BuffJon, getting off their flight in Paris. Kelly is grumpy and unpleasant some more about the fact that Jon isn't listening to her. I have to say, I don't have much use for Jon, but I can't think of a way that's less effective at getting a guy to listen to you than whining in that particular fashion. Settled into the saddle of her high horse now, Kelly says to him, "Can I do the next Roadblock?" "If you feel comfortable...," he starts to say. "Can I do the next Roadblock?" she repeats. "Yes," he says. She thanks him and stomps off. That's just stupid. While I can see deciding about Roadblocks in advance in the case of teams where the partners' strengths and weaknesses are similar, it's stupid when that's not the case. If this Roadblock turns out to be peeing for distance, she's going to feel pretty silly. The two trailing teams board the train for Le Mans.

At the track, Millie and Chuck are pulling the clue, and she says, "I can't breathe. You should." Having dumped this task off on him, she now frets that he's too slow. Millie voices over that sometimes Chuck is overly "methodical," which makes him slow. "Oh, my gosh," she moans, apparently complaining about the progress he's not making, though it's admittedly hard to tell. ClownJon, on the other hand, is now making like a speed demon with the wrench, and he's off on his ride in no time. Once Chuck finishes the Millie Man March around all four of the tires and gets strapped into the car, he almost immediately has to ask to be unbuckled so he can get out again. As he explains it, Chuck suffers from periodic bouts of claustrophobia, and this "freaked [him] out." It's funny -- you can see just how freaked out he really is, given that he actually pulls off the gloves off with his teeth when he's out of the car. Clearly, it's not just the space; it's a whole constricted thing he's feeling. Al and ClownJon finish the Roadblock while Chuck struggles, and they tear off doing their Clown Run again. Treating Chuck not at all the way he treated her during her asthma attack, Millie impatiently yells at him, "Hustle! Let's go! Come on, Chuckie!" And then Chuck, just as innocent as the day he was born, yells, "Feelin' tight! Hot and tight!" You know, sometimes I just want to kiss the editing staff right on the lips. Anyway, he goes on to apologize for the bad timing, but there's not a lot he can do. Millie complains. "Come on, Chuck, you've got to hustle, you've got to hustle," she orders. She is just not being nice. This is actually a lot like what happened to her, particularly in that he needs to relax in order to recover, and this is not helping him. I just think about the way he stood there and rubbed her back and her belly when she couldn't breathe, and it makes this scene really irksome. Getting back in the car, Chuck prays for God to help him as the driver looks on in amusement. God looks up from a cloud of lily-scented bubbles and a glass of red wine, like, "What?" Chuck finally makes his way into the teeny seat and the car takes off. He voices over during the lap that he was "freaked out" and "nervous," but he makes it. He also looks oddly cute in that really, really dweeby jumpsuit.

The Chipsters and Tian and Jaree remain on the highway going to Marseilles. Monica and Sheree, on the other hand, have opted for winding country roads. Yeah, I don't know.

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Amazing Race




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