Amazing Race
Check Your Tires Because…Oh God, You Never Know What'll Happen!

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at the gate

As Kelly and Jon are leaving, he advises her to just pull over and let one of the other teams lead them on the route to the Gorges du Blavet. The Chipsters (whom Kelly calls the "Chippendales") are the first out, so Kelly and Jon fall in behind them. "You can go fast, honey," Chip encourages. "Lose 'em." Oh, and David and Jeff are driving, too.

Last to the lighthouse are DadSteve and Josh and Tian and Jaree, all of whom I think just got lost driving around looking for it. Unsure of where to go, Tian and Jaree want to get to a nearby information center, but Jaree (who's driving) has a hard time figuring out how to actually get there, even though she can see it. Ooh, I hate that. That happens to me all the time. Tian mutters to "follow the signs," but Jaree points out that there are no signs. "This is not like America, Jack." Apparently, she has never tried to make her way out of downtown Minneapolis, or she would know that in some parts of America, there are also no signs.

In an exchange that's more than a little painful, Josh asks DadSteve from the back seat to let him drive for a while, and DadSteve asks what's the difference. "You've seen how bad I am with the freakin' map," Josh says miserably. Oh, ouch. Come on, Josh, buck up. I wonder if he still thinks that this is his fault because of the train. Because if he does? It's not. The overnight bunch at the lighthouse and the scrambled way in which the teams escaped it makes the train thing really, really not relevant. Not Josh's fault -- at least, not for that.

Kelly helps BuffJon by saying, "Go straight, babe," and then calls that her "contribution of the day." I'm sorry, dear, but you can't have both the routine where you demand not to be treated like a baby and the routine where you act like one. If you sink comfortably into your helplessness, be prepared for a nice long soak. Chip and Reichen, Monica and Sheree, and David and Jeff are all driving close together, with Monica blowing kisses to the Chipsters and David referring to the Chipsters as "Viper and Goose," which is sort of weakly funny, but not really. They've almost found a joke, but it's very unformed, and they don't seem to know what to do with it. ["I was so pleased that that showed a flutter of personality, I didn't realize until later that they'd flubbed the punchline. 'Maverick,' dude! It's on TNT, like, every weekend!" -- Sars]

Josh and DadSteve, still having trouble on the way to the mountains, are really wishing now that they spoke a little French. Tian and Jaree, meanwhile, hop out at a police station (passing up the McDonald's next door) to ask for directions. Tian prances very weirdly into the station like a ballerina who needs to use the potty, while Jaree philosophizes in the car that all it takes to screw yourself is "one wrong move." You said it, sister.

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Amazing Race

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