Amazing Race
Check Your Tires Because…Oh God, You Never Know What'll Happen!

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at the gate

Tian and Jaree are apparently hopelessly lost on the way to the gorge, because Tian says that they should just go for the Fast Forward. Jaree agrees. Phil explains about the Fast Forward, and tells us that in this case, it involves going to a museum and assembling a big wall puzzle of the pit stop. Not a very interesting Fast Forward, but it beats a meat pie, I suppose. "I do not want to be eliminated," Jaree says as they drive off in search of the puzzle.

Monica and Sheree pray before rappelling. Somehow, praying not to splatter on a rock doesn't bother me as much as praying to make a flight or to complete a task quickly, so this one is fine. Reducing your risk of death is appropriate prayer material -- just as it would justify getting Mom out of the tub, so you can see that it all works out. The Falconettes tackle the rappel, with Monica praying the whole time. God, of course, is also a Race fan, and is going, "Hurry up, hurry up!" the entire time. Incidentally, in Heaven, they show the first season in a continuous loop on a big screen in a bar where all the drinks are free.

Jon and Kelly, holding hands, pass ClownJon and Al on the hike up to the cars, so they're first out of the Detour. They high-five. Meanwhile, David and Jeff have returned all the way to the top of the hill, still wearing their red helmets, to take another shot at finding the clue box. They are sad that they haven't found it yet.

Tian and Jaree muddle their way to the Fast Forward museum, despite looking kind of lost and confused. They get inside, find the puzzle pieces, and work on assembling it. "How do we make a picture of something we've never seen before?" Tian complains. Of course, the pieces are huge -- there are only twenty -- and it's a picture of a house, so it's not that hard to do. Not that this slows the complaining.

The Falconettes complete the Detour. Glad to be alive, they make their way to the clue box, where they just about run into Millie and Chuck and David and Jeff, all of whom are just arriving.

Drums! Drums! Tian and Jaree work on the puzzle! Drums! When they finish it, Tian, all giggly, takes the Fast Forward clue from a guy who looks only too happy to hand it to her. They take off in the direction of the Chateau.

AirSteve and Dave take the rappel. And what is that an opportunity for? Fat jokes! Lots and lots of fat jokes! Just write a few of your own. They're as funny as AirSteve and Dave's, I guarantee you. Elsewhere, Reichen and Chip arrive at the marked parking lot, having doubled back from their long, long sojourn of stupidity. Reichen instructs Chip that they're doing the rappel. They complete it, and the ensuing hike, so quickly that they pass AirSteve and Dave.

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Amazing Race

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