Amazing Race
Check Your Tires Because…Oh God, You Never Know What'll Happen!

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at the gate

6:04 AM. AirSteve and Dave, bringing up the rear. As usual, they read their clue and chuckle as if to say, "I can't believe they expect us to do this." Which was cute for a leg or two, but has now become totally old. Dave explains in their off-the-mat voice-over that the key to winning is not making mistakes. He and AirSteve don't make mistakes, because as air traffic controllers, you can't afford to. Apparently, they're not counting the two wrong trains they got on last week, the time they waited to poach a taxi that never came, or walking on the moving sidewalk. Come to think of it, if they direct air traffic the way they race, I think I might look for cities other than Chicago through which I can connect, thank you very much. I'm not really looking to add "midair collision" to my list of life experiences. Oh, and they decide to take a train to Salzburg, so there's another reason to take that layover in Houston.

Speaking of Salzburg, when Kelly and BuffJon get off the train, they notice that everyone else stayed on, heading for Munich. "Let's go, we're on our own," Kelly says.

DadSteve and Josh manage to get themselves on a SwissAir flight out of Salzburg at 6:55, arriving in Paris at 11:25. Josh beats himself up some more, telling us that he was "being a big dumb-ass." On the one hand, he was. On the other hand, it happens. Hell, it happened to more than half of the teams on this leg, as far as making the wrong choice about finding an airport. He and DadSteve toe-touch Zurich on the way to Paris, according to the AYL, which sends its parents a postcard telling them that it's having a great summer vacation in Europe, and hasn't even broken a sweat in weeks.

Dave and AirSteve meet up with Kelly and BuffJon at the Salzburg airport. They confer a little. Kelly tells them that she and Jon are on the 10:15 to Zurich -- hours behind Josh and DadSteve -- and then on to Paris. She voices over, quite understandably, that she wanted AirSteve and Dave to take the same flight she and Jon had, because that way, she'd know they weren't the only people on it and weren't alone in last place. When the conversation breaks up, she quietly comments to Jon that she thinks AirSteve and Dave are "so nice" that she doesn't want to go against them for last place. "Millie the Mole, that's who I wanted to beat," she snaps, as we are fed an extreme close-up of Millie's lip and its...well, mole. Kelly goes on to say that Millie is "like one of those little cheerleaders in high school that I used to throw spitwads in their hair while they were out there cheerin'. She's too...happy." Although I sort of agree that Millie's version of freshly-scrubbed pluck has just about worn out its welcome, if anyone in this scene makes me think of a cheerleader who might have a spitwad coming to her, it's Kelly, with her crossed arms and her little pout. When you resort to picking on the mole, you know you're scraping the bottom of the comedy barrel, there, Kel.

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Amazing Race

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