Amazing Race
Check Your Tires Because…Oh God, You Never Know What'll Happen!

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at the gate

Hey, it's Eiffel Tower shot une! And the Arc de Triomphe! This must be Paris! And here comes the plane carrying the Falconettes and Tian and Jaree. The four ask for the quickest way to Le Mans, and are directed into the city to find the Montparnasse train station. The next train is at noon, so they're in pretty good shape. The Falconettes are quicker getting out of the airport and into a taxi, so Tian and Jaree are left behind. As Monica says, they're "lollygagging." And you know what that makes them? Lollygaggers! God, I love that movie. Anyway, when the Falconettes get to Montparnasse, they find that contrary to the earlier advice that the next train is at noon, there's a train at 11:05, and they can just make it. Ah, any day is a good race day when we learn once again, "When in doubt, step on it, nimrod." I increasingly have a feeling that if Monica and Sheree didn't talk about football players anymore and stopped with the matching outfits, I might kinda like them.

Next, Chip and Reichen join Paris's considerable Chipster population, and they are advised at the airport that the cab ride to Montparnasse is about forty-five minutes. They grab a cab and go. In the cab, Reichen frets over whether they'll make the noon train, and Chip assures him that they will, patting him on the knee just like you would any twelve-year-old. Chip voices over that Reichen was still mad about having screwed up the plane tickets. Chip does not mention out loud the decision he apparently made at this point that he needed to even the score, in terms of bonehead maneuvers, by the end of the day.

The Chipsters and the Backpack Bickersons both make the noon train out of Montparnasse. The Chipsters are tickled to have caught up. "I can't believe it," Reichen says, again. Both in joy and in sorrow, Reichen certainly does suffer from a chronic credulity deficiency. In an interview, Reichen smirks that they wound up on the same train as Tian and Jaree. Yes, we get it. Shut up, Chipster.

At Le Mans, here are the Falconettes, who quickly get a cab to the racetrack. All alone in first place, they run to the clue box. Roadblock. The clue tells them that whoever takes it should "be able to fit into a tight space." The more petite Monica takes it. The Exposition Hands are accompanied by quite the frenetic explosion of drums as they rip the Roadblock clue open so that Phil can explain it. Phil, by the way, is now wearing a red turtleneck and a white pullover with a zippered neckline. If the pullover weren't white, I might be in favor of it, but as it is, he looks dorky, and it makes his head look huge. I have a feeling it's supposed to feel Le Mans-ian, but the combination of red and white somehow reminds me of a jogging suit from the '70s. I don't really want to be reminded of Old Biff from Back to the Future when I'm looking at Phil. As it turns out, the Roadblock involves changing four tires on a racecar, and then letting a driver take you on a lap around the track. I'm glad they at least added the tire-changing part, because I generally hate those Roadblocks where they just lash you to something and let physics have its way with you. "One person may perform" is not, after all, synonymous with "one person may act as ballast."

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Amazing Race

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