Amazing Race
Clearly, I'm More Intelligent Than You

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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I'm a Guay? No, Uruguay!

Speaking of which, Charla and Mirna have apparently screwed up the drive to the airport. "God help us! We need all the help we can get!" Mirna says. God is...indifferent. Linda and Karen and Bob and Joyce are also heading for the airport substantially behind most of the youngsters.

Marshall and Lance arrive at American Airlines. Inside, they walk up to Colin and Christie, and both teams note that they're supposed to be finding a flagged ticket line, and they don't see it. Sigh. Considering that failure to be observant is going to be a theme of the episode, we might as well start early. It's like it's an entire field of racers who forgot to put in their contacts. As these fools are standing around, the newly formed Screwed Shuttle Alliance comes tearing in. Dennis and Erika are the first team to approach the correct American Airlines lady, while Kami/Karli head for the United counter to check that flight. Told that the American flight lands at 1:00 PM tomorrow, Dennis and Erika get tickets. Weren't they supposed to wait until Kami/Karli got back? Wasn't that the whole idea? Split up and check both flights? They don't even seem sure of what information they have, considering that as they make the purchase, they're talking about how they hope it's the right flight. Elsewhere, Alison and Donny and Kami/Karli check the United flight and are told it lands tomorrow at 12:30. They ask the gate agent to check the American flight, and they figure out that United lands first. Alison asks to be as far front in the plane as possible, and they're the first to get their tickets on the better plane. The twins pick up tickets, too.

Colin and Christie and Marshall and Lance are still screwing around in the wrong part of the airport, looking for the flags. Eventually, they catch up with Dennis and Erika. Colin protests that he still doesn't see the flags, and then he notices that there's a giant yellow and red flag standing there waving its arms and whistling, like, "Over here, son." He asks how many people are on this flight so far, and Erika says that aside from her and Dennis, the twins and Alison and Donny are on the flight -- she apparently is saving spots for them, not knowing that they got tickets on United. Erika also fibs to Marshall and Lance that Kami/Karli and Alison and Donny already put seat orders in and then went to the bathroom. Kami/Karli, of course, are not in the bathroom, but are heading back from United to fetch Erika and Dennis and tell them to come to United and land themselves the shorter layover. Ah, bathroom intrigue. You really can't do better than that without inflaming the passions of the FCC. (Ironically, this page will now be inaccessible to people who work at the FCC, because of the presence of the phrase "inflaming the passions.")

The next shuttle brings Brandon and Nicole, Chip and Kim, and Bob and Joyce. When they get to American, they run into the unhappy Marshall and Lance, who tell them that in an act of "total bullshit," Dennis and Erika are holding up the line buying tickets for other people and crowding them off the awesome American flight. Heh, tool. The other teams start to heckle Dennis about when the hell his friends are supposedly going to come out of the bathroom, and Dennis tries to shrug it off. A nice guy, perhaps, but a very inept liar. Erika correctly notes that she and Dennis have now earned everyone's wrath very, very quickly. A perfect example, really, of why alliances this early in the game are just not necessary. All you can do is hurt yourself. Dennis finds himself being called a "scumbag," for which he obviously was not prepared. Dennis tells them that they're "definitely not getting on this plane now." Yeah, I'm thinking that's Dennis's big cringe moment for the evening, because that was totally ass. When you find yourself doing an "Oh, yeah? Well, now you're really not getting a piece of my gum" routine with the rest of the teams, it's time for a step back.

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Amazing Race

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