Amazing Race
Competition To The Fullest

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Thank you, wise man

Previously on Planes, Trains, and Eviscerations: Brennan and Drew glided. Guido, Momily, and Kenny biked. Toto cowered in Bill's straw basket. Frank and Margarita demonstrated that they aren't tied up in petty inter-team politics by using their one and only Fast Forward pass to get away from the people they don't like. India was no France. Emily totally lost it, but then she found it again. Joe attempted to direct crowds like he was conducting Carmina Burana. Brennan, in the glider, unfortunately went all Beavis: "Heh-heh-heh." He did other things, too, but we didn't see any of them. Copenhagen was the Bunching Site of the Week. Rob smiled at Nancy and said, "Hello, Mrs. Cleaver, I am here to see Wallace and Theodore." Nobody had even a little bit of fun in the marketplace in India, but they eventually made it to Agra, no thanks to the Taj Mahal model waving its arms and shouting, "Hey, I am part of the clue!" Karyn yelled. And yelled. And yelled. She and Lenny were eliminated, and she dumped his ass on television. Men all over the world took screen shots of Karyn and filed them in safe deposit boxes to be compared against future dating prospects.

Credits. Music from the upcoming sci-fi/golf film, Zero-Gravity Caddies.

Commercials. Hey, here's a thought: use a digital camera to mack on a girl who French-kisses her dog.

Cameramen, slightly less drunk than usual out of respect, gently careen around the Taj Mahal. With my usual cultural aplomb, I intelligently observe: Dang, it's purty! Phil tells us it's "India's most famous landmark." Phil, Phil, Phil. You know, I actually think you're a weird kind of hot in that geeky, brainy, your-best-friend's-older-brother kind of way, but this is beneath you. It's time to declare free agency and hope that Jeff Probst pulls a hamstring, because only tribal council would use you to your fullest potential. Anyway, the Taj Mahal was built as a tribute to a princess. (It would not take this much to impress me. Pretty much all you have to do to win me over forever is take me to an outdoor baseball game. Or a foreign country. An outdoor baseball game in a foreign country? Don't even joke about that.) Phil gives his favorite speech as The Lovely And Mysterious Man's Hands fondle the props -- he tells us about yellow-and-white flags and clues. Hey, don't you wish it were animated, like the credits from The Nanny? They could have little animated Joe, Bill, Rob, Brennan, Nancy, Emily, Kevin, Drew, Frank, and Margarita following each other in a little conga line? "They're the contestants in red, when everybody else is wearing tan…" Oh, sorry. Just trying to stay awake during the weekly Exposition Mambo. The first task today is to find the next route marker, which is somewhere on the grounds of the Taj Mahal. The complex is 42 acres, so they may have to look around a bit. (Believe me, I've looked a long time for my keys in situations where the possibilities aren't nearly as extensive, and it usually involves swearing and vowing that I'll never DRIVE again if I can't DO IT without LOSING my KEYS.)

8:01 PM. Frank and Margarita. Phil explains that they are leaving almost eleven hours ahead of the other teams. This is about how it looked last week, since it was early morning when they got there and darkening or dark when everybody else did. As they read the clue, Danza learns that they have to locate a clue on the grounds of the Taj Mahal, which opens at -- 6:00 AM. Again with the bunching. Boy, that was a short-lived eleven-hour lead. To their credit, Frank and Margarita both chuckle -- they knew this was coming, as did somebody on the forums (damned if I can dig the post up now) who said that the wonderful advantage of leaving at 8:00 at night wasn't likely to add up to a hill of Amazing Beans, depending on the next couple of things they had to do. "So it's like a 45-minute lead," Smiling Accepting Frank laughs, in a way that I find (gulp) quite endearing. They also notice that there's no money with the clue today. "That's a problem," Suddenly Impoverished Frank says sadly. One begins to wonder if Ebenezer van Munster is tightening up the finances, because your supply of simoleans certainly hasn't been much of a factor up until now.

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Amazing Race

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