Amazing Race
Competition To The Fullest

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Thank you, wise man

Speaking of the Guidos, here they are on the bus to the train station (ha, ha, ha!). Don't you wish Discount Joe had been a little more frugal? Haaaaa ha ha. Ahem. Sorry. On the bus, Guido asks someone whether another bus is faster, or whether taking scooters would be faster. They're told to change to the other bus, which is sad, because I would certainly have loved a Guido scooter-shot along here. Bill notices the Frats passing them, and he goes into one of his high-espionage wig-outs and says, "Don't look, don't look, don't look!" Like they won't pass you if you don't look directly at them? Could you be any more obsessed with your own level of cool? Bill goes on to say, "They're passing us riiiiiight…there." What a weirdo.

In their cab, the Frats give the cabbie the big thumbs-up, and America agrees.

On the bus, Joe snots, "We don't know what the hell's going on anymore." I'll tell you what the hell's going on, Joe. You're getting outplayed but good.

The Frats speculate that Momily may be a little behind, and here we are with Momily at the Elephant Ride Holy Man. "Are you him?" Emily asks. He is him, and they get their clue.

Jaipur Junction, the train station. (That's cute -- Jaipur Junction. Sounds like a 1950s TV show.) Esquire is asking for train tickets, and I'm sorry, but if you aren't staring at Rob's monstrous shoulder sticking out of the MMSSSSI in this shot, you have no eyeballs. And it's a good thing that the shoulder is there to distract you, because he's Wearing! The Hating! Hat! Esquire, where is the love? The Bikaner train is at 3:00, and the boys hop on. This is as good a time as any for me to satisfy my obligation to leg-girls everywhere by pointing out that if you are a calf person (I personally am not), you can also enjoy Esquire calves along here. I'm just saying.

Frank and Margarita get to the train station as well. She's getting seriously mobbed by some little kids asking for money. She has trouble pushing them aside, and after backsliding slightly with a not-so-helpful "Get moving," Frank actually tells her probably the best thing he can, which is to say excuse me and keep walking.

Rob, walking the length of the train, looking for other teams. Me, in my living room: "Oh, eeew, Rob, don't do that! That's so Guido!" Rob, trying to worm his way back into my heart, explains, "I'm walking the train to see if any other teams made the three o'clock train…the problem in times like this is how nervous you feel, 'cause you're in a foreign land, you don't know the train systems, and there's at least a certain comfort when you see another team at the train, because you know you made the right choice or there's another team here to back up your decision. But when you're on your own, you're on the train by yourself, and that's good, because you may have gotten out ahead, but it's bad because maybe you're on the wrong damn train." Me, in my living room, reluctantly: "Oh. Well, that's okay then." What can I say? I'm a sucker for blatant insecurity. Rob, incidentally, what with the contrast of the MMSSSSI and the Hating-Hat, is going to crack my head open, the way you crack your tooth enamel if you drink hot chocolate and then chew ice cubes.

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Amazing Race

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