Amazing Race
Competition To The Fullest

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Thank you, wise man

Frats, train station. Drew, to the little kids: "We don't have anything. I wish I could help you, but we don't have anything." I think Drew really hates this.

Danza gets on the train, and as they do, Margarita spots Rob and Brennan. Danza is sad -- they wanted to be on this train alone. Brennan asks them whether they've seen anybody else, and Danza says they haven't. "We think we gave Joe and Bill the shake," Rob says, starting to suck down what looks like a giant bottle of Coke and being as cool as the other side of the pillow just for using the expression "gave Joe and Bill the shake." I'll be rewinding that one over and over.

Bill and Joe, having been given the shake, at least for the moment. Bill says that they need an auto-rickshaw because the bus is too slow. Yeah, go figure. Apparently, they're not totally broke. They get off the bus and go for a rickshaw. They negotiate and climb on board. Momily, meanwhile, negotiates their ride as well.

At the station, the Frats buy their tickets for the train, which apparently is about to leave. They run for it. As they board the train, Rob says, "Thirty seconds to spare, you mooks." Hee! Feel the EsquireFrat vibe. That's my favorite. Rob asks them whether they've seen Bill and Joe.

Speaking of whom, there are Bill and Joe now, inside, not on the train. And the train is moving. And they're not on it. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Bill and Joe missed! The! Train! In my house, I spontaneously invent The Guido Train-Missing Booty Dance, which I videotape and stream across the Internet in order to make it an instant national fad. You should do it to "I Can't Get Next To You," if at all possible, because that's the best song of all time for a Booty Dance of any kind. Joe tries to see whether the train might still be here, but it's not. "We just missed it," Bill despairs. You know, honestly, the Guidos should be glad this happened. It could be the best thing that ever happened to them if they get off their complacent asses and stop pretending that they're not competing with anyone except themselves, and start treating this like the close, stressful, don't-make-a-mistake contest that it's turning out to be. We've pretty much weeded out the people who you ever could have afforded to take for granted, Guido, so time to hit the pavement if you want to be in the race. This good advice to Guido is brought to you by The Coalition To Be As Objective As Possible.

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Amazing Race

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