Amazing Race
Competition To The Fullest

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Thank you, wise man

Frat cab. "An elephant ride takes a long time," Drew says. "The boat's gonna have to be faster." Kevin: "I bet those elephants smell like elephants." Bwah! Totally the quote of the week.

Amber Fort (home of the elephant ride). Esquire boards the elephant. Brennan, who really hates me, is still wearing the Hating-Hat. That's it! It's not that I hate the hats that makes them the Hating-Hats! It's that they wear them because they hate me! Anyway, Rob, on the other hand, has shed the Hating-Hat in favor of The Marvelous Magical Shoulder-Showing Shirt Of Salivation Inducement (MMSSSSI -- please pronounce that "mmmm, sigh"). The elephant, incidentally, is wearing a lovely red-and-blue ensemble and a hat of his own, which would actually look better on Brennan than the Hating-Hat. The boys say "Hyaa!" which doesn't induce Ernie The Elephant Of Ennui to go any faster. Rob: "This is the slow boat to China, dude, I'll tell you that much." Ernie: "Shut up, lawyers! I'm going as fast as I can! I'm an elephant! You want speed, ride a camel! Ha ha, just kidding! Wildlife humor!"

Water Palace. Frank and Margarita arrive. They climb in, and here we learn that the teams don't row themselves, so the Frats' theory that they can row fast isn't going to come in so handy after all. Frank helps Margarita into the boat (stop confusing me, Courteous Chivalrous Frank), and they're off. "Let's go see the wise man," Frank says. Rowing ensues. Meanwhile, Esquire de-elephants. Beauty shot of Rob's back, barely wearing the MMSSSSI at all. Not that I was peeking. He's asking if there's a wise man anywhere around, and nobody knows. Danza runs up the steps at the Water Palace, and they find the Rowboat Holy Man. Frank grabs the clue. Esquire climbs the stairs to meet Elephant Ride Holy Man. They kinda look like they don't know if they're supposed to bow, or shake hands, or what, but they successfully retrieve the clue, and thank the wise man profusely. Rob, incidentally, has a strip of tape on the MMSSSSI, which I am quite sure is covering up the MBTV logo on his chest. The clue tells them that they're on the way to the Karni Mata Temple in Deshnoke. Phil voices over that at this particular temple, they consider rats to be sacred. To get there? It's 200 miles on a train to Bikaner. Only two trains a day -- miss the first, wait six hours for the second. Pseudo-bunching. Dividing-line bunching. Discrete bunching, if you took way too much math in college.

Danza opens the clue and is also off to the train. Frank, I should mention, is wearing a red scarf on his head. Not so good, but it beats the Hating-Hat. Of course, so would a propeller beanie.

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Amazing Race

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