Amazing Race
Courteous? This Is A Race!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Peru-ff beyond a reasonable doubt

People run, and in accordance with tradition, they say "baby," and "let's go," and the first two teams to hop into cars and get going appear to be Patrick and Susan and Ray and Deana. Amber pats the back of the car and says, "Honey, open the trunk." "Yeah," Rob says. "If I knew how." Hmm. Brains, 0. We'll have to see how brawn and teamwork do. Teams leave, following each other, and Rob laughs at himself for not knowing how to open the trunk. Somewhere, Lex throws Cheetos at the TV, going, "That's your karma right there! You traded it all away, man! We could be doing this together, man!" ["And he called the car 'honorable,' too, no doubt. Shut up, Lex." -- Sars] Uchenna and Joyce are just happy about going to Peru. The teams' cars streak off into the distance, and then...credits.

Credits! Oh, man. The first-season tiger is gone for the first time. I pause to mourn the exit of the most famous ennui-filled tiger in the history of television.

We go directly from credits back to show, where teams are on the freeway. It appears that the teams have been...given the departure times for the flights? In the clue? Are you kidding me? They didn't even used to tell you what airport they left from! Whatever. Uchenna and Joyce breathlessly disclose that they grew up in California, and know where the airport is. Brian, in the front seat of the Brothermobile, asks, "You feelin' good, G?" And a little of that is going to go a long way, that's for sure. "G" assures "B" that he's feeling just fine. And behind them, Ron drawls, "We're followin' the dark-haired tall guys." And it's just that kind of ill-advised...never mind. I just can't. I mean, I'm going to want to do that all season every time he gets lost, and I just can't, not only because it might be too mean, but because I will get hate mail that even I do not want to deal with. Megan tells Heidi she's going too fast, and then Heidi realizes that she is, because she was looking at something other than the speedometer to see how fast she was going. The cigarette lighter, probably. In the Ryan/Chuck car, Chuck praises his own driving by saying, "Drive it like you stole it, baby." Hee. Chuck says something about how they can drive anything with a motor, and then Ryan clues us in to their race strategy, which is as follows: "Do it well, and beat ever-buddy." All were agreed in the M. Giant Living Room that this is a plan that will make them hard to beat.

Lynn is waxing non-rhapsodic about the journey. "Peru is, like, donkeys...and blankets..." Alex jumps in. "Honey, I'd hate for you to make a sweeping generalization," he says with a wary smile, vividly envisioning a 400-page forum thread called "Sweeping Generalizations On The Amazing Race: Lynn Sucks!!!!!" Then, in the Retirement Car, Meredith says something about going to Lima, and Gretchen says, "Wonders me [sic] why we're not being home in our easy chairs in front of the fireplace watching this instead of sitting here actually being in it." A little too rehearsed, that, and it still came out mushmouthed. And in the Roller Disco car, Debbie and Bianca are noticing that nobody is behind them except for one team. Not good news. I mean, it is for me, but not for them.

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Amazing Race

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