Amazing Race
Desert Storm

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'd walk a mile for a Camel

Fer cryin' out loud, did I just write a whole paragraph about this hat? I desperately need a life. Anyway, under the hat is Rob, looking at the map. In an interview (thankfully, not the one with the upside-down sunglasses), he explains that they knew they were in last place, and that things were looking grim, so they somehow sort of went for broke with the compass. I don’t know exactly how that's accomplished, actually, but it looks like it involved committing to a direction and going as fast as they could, rather than constantly checking and re-checking their progress.

Paul is still badgering Amie about her learned helplessness. "You don’t want to read the map," he moans. "Hon, there's no map to read," she says defeatedly. "Look at the map. You tell me you can read that map. Go for it." He says, "Well, at least help me with the compass." Unfortunately, without the ability to understand the map, the compass isn't going to be that much good to you, Paul. Amie loses it. "We've been north, we've been south, we've been east, we've been west, where the fuck do you want to go?" she demands. (She may have said "where the vug do you want to go," of course, because that particular word was given the silent-bleep, and all I can do is read her lips. I don’t mean to jump to conclusions.)

Joe and Bill find the route marker with the arrow. They bicker about their packs. Boy, the Guidos are either being edited very differently than before, or they're starting to show signs of the strain, because they're much snippier with each other than we've ever seen. "I'm tired of everybody right now," Bill gripes. "Everything we do is wrong," Joe gripes. Bill needs to go to the bathroom.

Drew and Kev, cameling. "I got sand in my eyes, I can't see a thing," Walking Drew complains. Riding Kevin starts with the "oh, God, oh, God," and Drew tells him to "shut up up there."

Paul asks Amie whether she's even looking for a yellow flag, and she says she is, but it's pretty clear that she's mostly looking at the bottom of her barf bag. Well, and…you know, whatever's in there. Eeeeew.

Shecky, Kevin, and Drew. "Keep goin' straight," Kevin encourages. "I'm tryin', buddy, I'm tryin'," Drew replies. (Hey, Shecky's trying, too, but do you see him getting any credit?) They see the oasis, and they see that there's a party going on. "They're doin' dances for us," Kevin remarks, "they're singin', they're dancin', and I’m gonna get hit in the eye with these things up here if you don't -- oof!" (No, really, he says "oof.") Kevin is suddenly in some trees. "Duck!" Drew yells, a little late. "'Duck!'" Kevin repeats contemptuously. "You're a jackass." "I'm a jackass," Drew repeats. "I got us all the way here, but I’m a jackass." They land at the oasis, and Drew manages to get the camel to sit down so Kevin can climb off. Welcome, Team Shower-Fresh, you are Team Number One! Woo hoo! "First place, brother," Drew says, high-fiving Kevin. "Nobody's gonna stop us on this thing, nobody's gonna stop us."

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Amazing Race

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