Amazing Race
Desert Storm

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'd walk a mile for a Camel

Shower-Fresh Cab. "You got a good look at this, chief, or what?" Kevin says to Drew, holding up the picture of Tataouine. You know, there was some speculation when Drew kept calling Chief Mukuni "Chief" ("Here are the zebra, Chief") that perhaps it was extra-funny because these are the kind of guys who call people "chief" all the time anyway, so to those who wondered about that, here is your proof. It's like Shower-Fresh is reading our minds. Drew assures Kevin that he did see the picture. "It's a globe," he says impatiently.

Guido and the Shower-Fresh boys are approaching Tataouine at approximately the same time, and the Guidos get there first, by a tiny bit. They hop out of their cab as Drew and Kev approach and see them. Drew and Kevin try to hide (which I think shows that the Guidos have exposed their overconfidence as their soft vulnerable underbelly), but the Guidos see them. "Christ, here's the fatties!" a Guido hisses (Joe, I think).

Let me pause to just say…"the fatties?" Look, whether you think that's unacceptably mean or not, there's one thing that can't be argued with -- it's hideously lame and witless. The targets here are Kevin and Drew. Haven't the Guidos met these guys? Seen them? They're big bald guys from New York who talk with the silliest affectations since Fonzie, and the Guidos can't think of anything except "fatties"? "FATTIES"? Sheesh. I can forgive a lot of things, but not an utter lack of wit. Ugh. For anybody who's been wondering why the Guidos' popularity has plummeted, this is part of it, and this is what makes them completely different from Big Brother Will and, to a lesser degree, Richard Hatch -- they're no fun to watch, because they have no sense of humor about themselves. A sense of humor about yourself is right up on my list of admirable qualities; a good sport is just about my favorite thing. It's a crucial quality, in fact, right up there with the ability to appreciate the inherent hilarity of the Pop-Tart, which I am also helpless to resist. (The quality, that is, not the Pop-Tart.) (Actually, I'm helpless to resist both.) (Have I lost control of this paragraph?) At any rate, the Guidos collect the detour clue and take off, with Joe driving. Bill tells him not to speed. Yeah, thanks, Mom. I'll be home before curfew and I won't kiss on the first date.

Drew and Kev pick up the detour, and now Phil explains it. It's tough to figure out this week, because everybody chose the same option, but the deal seems to be that there's a choice between a difficult game at an easy-to-find location and an easy game at a difficult-to-find location (which is, after all, the usual setup). The easy game (which is called "Puzzling") is a puzzle that looks like it might be sort of like Go, and the hard game (which is called "Listening") involves taking a walkie-talkie and talking into it while you hunt around for the one that connects to it. I'm not even getting into the preposterousness of asking some of these teams to consider an activity called "Listening," nor am I going to pause to wonder at the fact that all seven teams chose to do that particular activity. In the area of topics I am going to spend time on, however, I can report that the place where you play walkie-talkies was used as a Star Wars set (thus Tattooine is not a coincidence), so Kevin and I aren't as nutty as we might seem. Finding the location of either game requires use of an SUV, for which you can hire a driver for fifty bucks or drive yourself. As usual, hired drivers are not navigators.

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Amazing Race

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