Amazing Race
Did You See How I Stopped It? With My Face

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Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
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These bootings are made for taking a taxi

Drew blocks a kick. Go, Drew! Finally, Teri and Ian and Aahab arrive at the stadium. Aahab wastes a moment standing on the stairs being shocked that they're the last people to get there. They are wondering...how can this be? Is there something wrong with the universe? Down on the field, John Vito stops a kick, but frankly it more looks like he's so big that eventually the kid just hits him with the ball. As he and Jill walk off toward the pit stop, he says, "Did you see how I stopped it? With my face!" He's proud. Heh. "Yeah, yeah, come on, sweetie! You did great!" she says with affectionate impatience. Next, Zach just barely deflects a kick up and over the goalpost, so FloZach is off. Heather then blocks one as well, and Heave takes off. The last two to take to the goals are Ian and Arianne. (Arianne? Why? Aaron's so much taller than she is! She's teeny! Idiots.) "Block it," Teri commands. "Oh, yeah, right," Ian says, as enthusiastic and upbeat as ever. Aaron tells Arianne to concentrate, but he then starts loudly fretting as it doesn't go well. "I'm too short," Arianne complains, quite correctly. Bad call, having her do this particular one. Ian, like Zach before him, just barely touches a shot that wasn't very good in the first place, but it's enough to make it hit the top of the goal and bounce away harmlessly, so he's all done. Arianne continues flailing about in the goal. "We're done," Aaron moans. "We're out."

This would be a good moment to pause and recall the following: "Ride their asses." "Get those twins." "Twin hunt." "Too pretty." Just sit and bask in how ridiculous they look and how ineffectual they've been this entire leg. It's funny how old saws are sometimes dead on, but "pride goeth before a fall"? Yeah, that would be it, right there. Humble up, kids; you're not helping your karma any.

Teri and Ian take off, leaving Aaron and Arianne alone on the soccer field. Oh, and as Teri and Ian leave, they read the clue out loud, and again, she reads the sentence, "Now, you must walk to the pit stop."

Commercials. Secret Platinum? Should deodorant really involve platinum? I'm thinking that would be expensive.

Michael and Kathy are walking toward the pit stop, but they're lost and are asking for directions. "We're last, we're last," Eve moans as she and Heather ask a cab driver whether he knows where the pit stop is. Wait a minute, a...a cab driver? The Hat runs past Teri on the street in that tight little trot he has, hollering, "This is where we suck it up!" She looks utterly disgusted as she trudges along behind him.

Meanwhile, I laugh and laugh, because Arianne is still engaged in her various vain attempts to stop a soccer ball. Aaron tells her to focus. Aaron tells her to dive. Aaron tells her she can do it. "I'm too short," she moans. "Arianne, don't think negatively, you can do it," he replies, apparently having recovered from the whole "we're last, we're last" thing he was moaning before the commercial. Finally, she stops one. Thank God. That was getting painful. They run off the field and read the clue. Which, by the way, says, as Aaron reads it, "Torre de Belem in Lisbon. Note: You must walk to the pit stop, last team to check in will be eliminated." Wow. If all the teams got the same clue, and if Michael and Aaron and Teri and Jill all read it correctly, then it actually said "walk to the pit stop" twice. Once at the beginning ("congratulations, blah blah blah, now you must walk to the pit stop") and once at the end ("...in Lisbon. Note: You must walk to the pit stop, last team to check in will be eliminated."). It would be quite the scandal if they didn't all get the same clue. And if they did? I feel even less sorry for Heather and Eve than I did initially.

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Amazing Race

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