Amazing Race
Did You See How I Stopped It? With My Face

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Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
These bootings are made for taking a taxi

10:59 PM. FloZach. As they leave the castle, she asks him which direction they're going. (Because, I guess, she thinks he has a cheat sheet or a shooting script or something.) He says he doesn't know. "Can you just take a break and think for one second?" she says. "About what?" he says warily. "What direction we're going in," she says in her patronizing voice, which is a little different from her cheese-grater voice. He voices over about how they're trying to "accommodate [each other's] needs," essentially dancing around the fact that she's being a whiny pain in the ass, but he loves her like a...well, at least like a cousin or a neighbor or something, and he's trying to overlook the whole whiny-pain-in-the-ass thing for that reason. But he says it a lot more diplomatically than that.

11:00 PM. Aaron and Arianne. She reads that they get $150 for the leg (no hookers and horse races this week, kids!), and he says, "Yes, we do!" They hike, amusing themselves by saying "up and down" over and over again in their bad Scottish voices. Okay, that's exactly what my friends and I would be doing, in fairness, and it made me giggle a little, so I won't fault them for that. But immediately, they plunge right into their obsessive hunt for the elusive twins, a.k.a. Team Dented Fender (okay, I promise that's the last naked picture reference). Among other things, Aaron says that they want to "surpass the twins," which sort of makes no sense. He really just wants the word "pass," because that's what he means. Fortunately, one of the forum posters was smart enough this week to finally point out the clear similarity between Aaron and Arianne's quest and another obsessive hunt involving crazy people, and to give them the name that is rightly theirs: Team Aahab. In case you're wondering, the extra "A" is for "Annoying," or it emphasizes the overabundance of As in their names, or it looks like the beginning of "Aaron," depending on your perspective. It also may allow the occasional whale joke, but I will try to keep from sneaking them in all over the place, I swear.

Anyway, Team Aahab continues to hunt the twins with their big flashlight and their wristbands and their other tools of destruction. Their quest is explained in the voice-overs that accompany their stroll toward the harbor. "We're hoping that if we can keep riding their asses," Aaron snots, "that we can overcome." You know, among other things, they are making these twins out to be much more of a big deal than they are. It's only the very beginning of the fourth leg, and the twins have already taken their FF. The fact that they're in first? It's really not THAT big an indicator, you know? Oh, and also, Aaron says "riding their asses." And for those of us whose maturity level retains the capacity to dip into the vicinity of seventh grade, that's mighty funny.

11:01 PM. Heather and Eve. In an interview in which she is still sporting that blue eyeshadow she stole from the Partridge Family exhibit at the Museum of Television and Radio, Heather explains that the race "ignites [her] competitive fire" and makes her excited, but unfortunately it makes Eve all droopy and sad. Eve says she's been spending a lot of time crying. Gosh, that's not a good sign. My God, Heave has Killer Fatigue! And it's only the fourth leg! Shocking. Don't they know that the law firm of Heels, Hose & Pearls will expect them to bill 2,200 hours a year? What will they do then? This has got to be the earliest case of Killer Fatigue ever. And you know what Killer Fatigue leads to, don't you? Mental errors. Heh heh.

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Amazing Race

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