Amazing Race
Divide And Conquer

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I hate Paris in the springtime...

Amie gets another cab, but she's highly distraught, mostly as a result of being bested by Light Hair. As they drive, they talk. Paul can't believe what occurred. "How do they jump in our cab and just take it? In New York, they would have grabbed her out by the hair." Hee! Paul tells Amie that he's tempted to say they should just quit, because she spends so much time upset and crying. "Can you stop?" she pleads. "The more I hear you, the worse I feel." He again brings up the idea of quitting. "If you're not happy, and we're not gonna win the million dollars, let's just go home." She tells him she's not going to quit. He tells her that if she can't pull it together, he IS going to quit, so her perseverance will be irrelevant. Oh, don't tease me, Paul. "Thanks," Amie says, somberly and sarcastically.

Paul and Amie seem to beat Dark Hair and Light Hair to the Eiffel Tower anyway. Now that's worth a chuckle! Paul climbs to the balcony and starts looking. First he has to borrow ten francs. Weren't they the ones rolling in dough last week? Maybe he can't break a fifty. He's looking in the scope, but he doesn't see anything, and below, Amie is "running out of patience," as she singsongs. Unable to spot anything, Paul flips his lid. "I'm pissed off, I'm quittin'. I'm serious," Paul says, kicking the wall.

Commercials.

The yellow-and-white flag ripples at the BASE of the Eiffel Tower. Dark Hair and Light Hair arrive and immediately go to the TOP of the Eiffel Tower. Okay, do you remember that, when they got the Eiffel Tower clue from the chief, I told you to write yourself a note? Take out your note. See what it says? The Eiffel Tower clue had the yellow flag taped to the bottom, very much where the actual flag is on the actual Eiffel Tower when they get there. But the girls don't see it. They're up the tower. They're in the tower. They're in the elevator. They can't find the yellow-and-white flag. (Therefore, they aren't even finding the clue about looking through the telescope.) At the top of the tower, they annoy the crowd by insisting that everyone interrupt their touristing to answer the crucial query of whether they've seen the flag. No one has. "Am I stupid?" one of them wails. Write your own joke here. Having her feed it to me like that is just insulting, and I, for one, am not taking the bait.

Team Guido arrives at the Arc, and they eagerly run up to the yellow mat that constitutes the actual finish line. Bill insists on jumping on it, which is not such a good idea, because it's wet and slippery. He wipes out and lands on the ground, and once again we learn that for all the classic wit the world has ever produced -- for all your Dorothy Parkers and your Will Rogerses and Ogden Nashes -- there's always room for a guy racking himself. When they learn that they're in second place (behind only Pat and Brenda), Team Guido is very happy, but they react a little differently -- Joe wants to hug, while Bill wants to high-five (perhaps he doesn't want to aggravate the rib he just broke). In the end, they hug.

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Amazing Race

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