Amazing Race
Divide And Conquer

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I hate Paris in the springtime...

The alliance congratulates itself, and Margarita fairly beams upon being hugged by Rob. (Oh, okay, I would, too. That doesn’t mean I'd be proud of it.)

Kev and Drew are looking for what they are still calling "Moukini Village." They're racing Lenny and Karyn at the moment, and they encourage their driver, their beloved Maxwell, to "gun it." Shower-Fresh and Lenny/Karyn arrive at the village almost simultaneously, followed by Team Mom/Daughter, Team Ensure, Paul and Amie, and Light Hair/Dark Hair. Drew hands over Team Shower-Fresh Scent's pictures, saying, "Chief, this is the rhinoceros. These are the buffalo, Chief, and these are the zebra, Chief." Drew's attempts to be super-diplomatic almost make up for how wretchedly rude Amie and Ana were last week, so God bless goodwill ambassadors. Receiving the clue, Drew comments, "We're going to Paris, dude!" Somehow, "dude" from Drew's mouth seems like overkill. He and Kev correctly note that they're either fifth or sixth, because they think there are four teams behind them counting Light Hair/Dark Hair, whom they call "the Texas girls." (Light/Dark, Paul/Amie, Dave/Margaretta, Lenny/Karyn -- hey, they're right!)

Meanwhile, Light Hair/Dark Hair bitch that they hate Paris. No, really. "Who wants to go to Paris? I don't want to go to Paris," one whines. "I hate Paris." I narrow my eyes again.

In the car on the way to the airport, Paul asks Amie if she has money. She doesn't hear him, so he screams at her. "DO! YOU! HAVE! MONEY?" She gets mad. We learn that we are back in Johannesburg, where the teams are to get flights to Paris. They don't have to pay for the tickets out of their cash, but they have to get seats. On a moment's notice? Not easy, Phil explains.

With everybody colliding at the airport, some try the phone. Some stand in line and beg. Margarita (speaking, actually, to Drew and Kevin) advocates a connecting flight strategy. Pat and Brenda feel the profit of their Fast Forward slipping away as they struggle to find a flight and other teams start to catch up with them. Brenda cries a little. I'd like to have the freedom to be judgmental, but I also cry easily when I'm frustrated. I did it today, on the phone with the student loan people. No kidding. (Long story short? Their fault. Not my fault. Bank perhaps at fault, student loan people perhaps at fault, Miss Alli not at fault. On that, we all agree. I've called over and over. Different advice every time. Nightmare.)

Emily is having no luck on the phone, and she's losing patience. Light Hair (in a glimpse of things to come) is trying to bribe a gate attendant into putting her and Dark Hair on a flight. (It never seems to occur to people like Light Hair how incredibly insulting it is to treat everyone like they're waiting for you to grease their fucking palm. The arrogance boggles the mind, truly.) Paul and Amie are frustrated, and Amie winds up at the desk beside Light Hair, who is still trying cheap bribery. Asked how many seats she needs, Light Hair says, "I'm looking for four. And she's not with me." (I think, by the way, that they have to book seats for two crew guys who travel with them, which I believe is why she asks for four.) This whole "she's not with me" thing makes Amie VERY upset, although I don't actually think it was all that bad. Hang in there, though, because Light Hair is going to get much worse. Amie says she's about to put "[her] foot up [Light Hair's] butt." Unfortunately, I think she's exaggerating. It would be great, though, wouldn't it? I mean, that's entertainment!

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Amazing Race

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