Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Hell in High Water

Phil welcomes us back to Dubai, over shots of skyscraper porn that rival The Apprentice. "It's hard to believe that only fifteen years ago it was an ocean of sand dunes." Yes, that is hard to believe, looking at it now. Warmongering bigots who say they want to turn the Middle Eastern desert into glass? Dubai is way ahead of you. "Today, it's a booming modern city, and a playground of the Arab world." We get a high-altitude shot of the Palm Jumiera, an amazing man-made peninsula shaped like a palm tree growing horizontally out into the Persian Gulf (which I had to look up, thanks, Phil), and Phil reintroduces us to Souk Madinat Jumierah. "This Arabian-style luxury resort was the fifth Pit Stop in a race around the world." Because all the Pit Stops have to be impressive in either a historical, religious, or economical sense. You never hear Phil saying, "This backward, rinky-dink little hole in the wall was the fifth Pit Stop in a race around the world. We're really sorry. Watch your step, okay? And your head."

Meghan and Cheyne, who won the last leg, are leaving at 8:17 AM. As is usual lately, we have no idea what time they actually arrived. When they open their clue, it tells them to pick out a briefcase. Phil's narration interrupts them, and over some James Bond-style electric guitar twang, we see eight locked briefcases waiting on the stone deck, one for each remaining team and one extra. Howie Mandel is nowhere in sight, fortunately. Phil tells us the teams will each have to grab one of them, take a taxi to the Dubai Creek Golf & Yacht Club, and find the next clue box waiting on the marina's boardwalk. Meghan and Cheyne nab the second briefcase from the right and head out. "I feel like a businessman," Meghan says, before hailing a taxi. Clearly it's casual Friday. In an interview, she says she's never been this stressed out in her life. Cheyne helpfully points out that stressed out is pretty much her default state. In their taxi, Cheyne gives us a little travelogue of Dubai, comparing it to an "island Vegas. It is very fabricated and it's extremely hot." But it is in no sense an island. I'm just saying. "They get their tans in the wintertime when it's like eighty," Meghan "jokes." Insert obligatory reaction shot of their cab driver, who doesn't look like a person who gives much thought to tanning. It's an Arab country, after all. In fact, Arab is quite literally this country's middle name.

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Amazing Race

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