Amazing Race

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Hell in High Water

The Globetrotters finish up, and Flight Time kisses their judge on the cheek as they leave. "They think us old dumb athletes can't do mathematics, but we got it," Flight Time says on the escalator out. In the cab, Big Easy figures they'll have to jump into some water. He's not yet aware that they may also have to cross a line.

Meanwhile, Canaan is still yelling at Mika. "It's water and it's a slide. Get in the water!" She's in tears, and he's literally says, "Get a grip! Come on!" Good God, is this ever the wrong way to handle this. He says it's for a million dollars, which everyone else in the world besides him knows they're never going to win anyway, and offers to walk her to the slide. "Take a breath, you're freaking yourself out!" He walks her over and tries to get her to sit down, and she begs him, "Can we calm down?" Which of course means, Can you calm down. That's a negatory, obvs. He tries to get her to sit down, starting all patient-like but then trying to force her when the proximity to the slide freaks her out and she starts to resist. "Help me! Help me!" she screams to the lifeguard at the top of the slide, who so didn't sign up for this. You can tell, because he doesn't make a move. She might as well be appealing to help from the Lincoln Memorial. And it's not like anyone on the camera crew is about to intervene. She tries to squirm free of Canaan until he lets her go and yells in her face, "You're gonna make us lose the race!"

And that right there is the point. What he doesn't get, even though she has literally told him this, is that right now she doesn't care about the race right now. As irrational as it is, she thinks on some level that if she goes down that slide she will die. Her reptile-brain has taken over. And rather than trying to address that and calm her fears, Canaan just discounts them, so of course she's going to dig her heels in. Now, in subsequent interviews, Canaan has claimed that he tried everything during the 45 minutes they were up there, from being nice and patient to what we actually see, and I usually try to take the editing with a grain of salt, but I have trouble imagining that he was able to pull off "nice and patient" all that convincingly. He clearly just thinks she's being a baby. So he attempts to physically impose his will on her, which even fucking O.J. Simpson is on record recognizing as a no-no. Yes, she's unprepared for the race, and yes, she should have known to expect shit like this, but that doesn't make it okay for Canaan to try and force her. In a way, this is even worse than the whole shoving thing with Jonathan and Victoria back in the day. As heated as things got then, the debate was pretty much between "Jonathan is an asshole" and "Jonathan is a giant asshole." But at least that was way back when this was still Miss Alli's gig so I didn't have to recap that episode OH WAIT I TOTALLY DID. But now there people out there who think Mika is entirely at fault for what's happening here. The tragic thing is that one of those people, as far as I can tell, is Mika.

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Amazing Race

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