Amazing Race
Do You Need Some Mouth-To-Mouth Resuscitation?

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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The one with all the eating
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Liar, Liar, Beginnings Of A Tragically Cheesy Sleazestache On Fire: Debbie and Bianca played the morality card on Rob, who didn't acknowledge her version of "morality" and therefore just considered it "the card." Everybody made each other nauseous, but no one recognized the foreshadowing. Rob came up with the Super-Secret Bus Egress Delay Plan, which gave him about thirty seconds of racing time but multiple hours of other people's attention, so he wrote it down under "Successes" in his Little Book Of Evil Plots. Various teams behaved like obnoxious, loud, stereotypically American cranks during a grocery Detour, culminating in Lynn and Alex throwing around unsupported allegations of retail corruption. Gretchen demonstrated just what a honkload of noise she was capable of making, and assorted South American domesticated and feral animals sought asylum elsewhere in response. Rob and Amber finished first, and the battle for last place came down to Brian and Greg and their blonde sweeties, creating the first close finish where there was a serious possibility that the losing team would be foiled by hair-wrangling difficulties. The boys pulled out the victory, and a couple of perfectly innocuous women found themselves banished to Sequesterville, the better to succumb to the charms of Ryan and Chuck. At least that's what I like to think happened, because that is some sparkling conversation on which I would have enjoyed eavesdropping.

Credits. It's so weird to remember that the TAR 1 credits had actual scenes from the race. They would so never feed the spoiler people like that now. We were so young once. I feel like this show is ballet, and I am Anne Bancroft. [BOMP.]

Commercials. I hate it when they show commercials for Survivor. Because, like, I already have to watch it. Don't rub it in. (Okay, it's actually kind of awesome right now because of what I'm sure is an entirely unintentional shortage of irredeemable jerkweeds, but still.)

We return to Santiago, Chile, where there are many people and, nearby, there are "Andean foothills." And here is Phil at the pit stop, looking lovely as usual. The banishment of eat/sleep/mingle appears to be permanent, as we have once again retreated to the "no idea what's in store for them" primer. Maybe there was some kind of mingling-related controversy. Maybe the FCC is issuing vague orders against mingling if it's, like, a boy and a boy, you know? Because they would. At any rate, Phil wonders whether Uchenna and Joyce can maintain their good standing after moving up in the pack last week, and whether Susan and Patrick can step outside their save-us-Dr.-Phil bickering long enough to keep things a bit more together this time.

12:34 AM. Rob and Amber. They open their clue, which tells them to drive themselves to Argentina through the Andes mountains, a trek Phil explains will be about 150 miles. There, they'll find a bridge called Puente Viejo, where they'll grab up another clue. Rob notes that the clue also indicates a Yield coming up, so presumably they want to get moving, lest one of the already-declared haters get any crazy ideas. The clue tells them that their cars are parked at a specific garage, and as they take off to head that way, Rob says that he and Amber "definitely have luck on [their] side." He adds, however, that they've been increasing their odds of having good luck by "taking a lot of chances." True, although they've also certainly increased their odds of having bad luck. I think it's safe to say Rob's whole feats-of-derring-do thing reduces the predictability of his experience, if nothing else. "You know that thing, the American dream?" he says, in an interview that appears very randomly placed at this particular spot. "Amber and I are living it." I suppose they could be said, in a sense, to be living the New American Dream, in which fame and money and the cover of Us Weekly, unsupported by any particularly worthwhile achievement, light upon the shoulders of the telegenic like so many chirping bluebirds. They ask someone to help them find the garage, and Rob comments on how nice the people they've been meeting have been. Apparently, Survivor viewership does not run high in this part of the world.

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Amazing Race

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