Amazing Race
Donkeys Have Souls, Too

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Smack That Ass

Vyxsin bikes across the ravine, followed by Nathan. Well, she's followed at first, and then she's passed. So now, Nathan and Jennifer are in second place. These two teams really haul ass toward the clue box, like it matters a great deal who's first by six feet. It's the kind of drive you like to see, up to a point, but it's a little overblown right now. They run into TK and Rachel, who are at the hitching post having loaded up their donkey, and who are getting ready to leave. TK stands in front of the donkey as he tells Rachel to touch the donkey's butt to get it to move. Apparently, he should have gotten out of the way first, because the donkey immediately lurches forward and almost knocks him down. Apparently, a donkey's reaction to being poked in the behind can include totally ignoring you, becoming more determined than ever not to move, or jumping forward all "Well, I never!" like a prissy lady in an old Gilligan's Island episode.

Azaria bikes across. Staella bikes across. So those two teams are in fourth and fifth place at this point. Ari decides they should pick the donkey who "looks lonely." Yes, choose the outlier donkey. That's the way to go at it. Meanwhile, as Nathan and Jennifer load up their donkey, they are already screaming at each other over the peat. This is not a good sign. Angry at Jennifer, Nathan says, "God bless you, Jen." I'm not sure God really entirely approves of "God bless you" being used to mean "fuck you," but there you go. Meanwhile, Ari calls his donkey "stupid," and the music is all ominous, as if this actually, really, unfixably offended the donkey. Not that I would doubt it, necessarily, based on...you know. Anyway. Azaria has better luck with his donkey than Vyxsin and Kynt, so he and Hendekea pass them. "Everyone's getting in front of us," Staella complains. Meanwhile, while leading their donkey, TK and Rachel run into Jason and Lorena, who are on their way to the tandem bike. TK basically gives them a nicer version of "Wow...sucks to be you." Jason says they need to make up time.

"I can't stop the donkey, so you'd better catch up," Azaria is saying to Hendekea. When Joe R and I start our band, which we will call Bodega Cat, its sixth album (made up of dance remixes) will be called I Can't Stop The Donkey (So You'd Better Catch Up). Jennifer nags Nate to hurry up, since A&H are gaining on them. Meanwhile, Jason and Lorena finally get the clue to the high-wire bike. Jason takes the clue, and then we return to Nate and Jennifer, who are now hollering impatiently at their donkey. Meanwhile, back at the starting line, Ari is screeching as he and Staella try to get their donkey moving. It seems to get itself tangled up with some other donkeys, though. Ari is genuinely shrieking, though, and if you've ever handled animals, you know that shrieking is...maybe not the absolute best way to encourage them to comply, since it has a way of causing them to stop moving and stand still, terrified. Meanwhile, A&H's donkey continues "kicking butt," as he puts it, not incorrectly. Ari and Staella, elsewhere, have realized that their donkey has ground to a halt and is not moving. It appears that Jennifer and Nathan's donkey stops in conjunction with being passed by A&H, and they can't get it moving again. Harder than it looks. "Why is this happening-uh?" Jennifer wails. "Pull him," she insists. "Gosh!" Nathan yells angrily. (Maybe he's pre-edited, and his next outburst of profanity will go, "'What about you, donkey?' 'FLIP YOU!' 'No, what about you?' 'FLIP YOU!'")

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Amazing Race

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