Amazing Race
Donkeys Have Souls, Too

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Smack That Ass

Nathan and Jennifer are a dating couple whose hook is apparently that he cheated on her. Makes a great hook! Tell them about it everywhere you go! You can kind of tell that she doesn't mind sharing, like her attitude toward being cheated on is 50 percent "...and it was very painful" and 50 percent "...and I will now proceed to eat lunch off it for the rest of my life." Plus or minus one percent.

Azaria and Hendekea are brother and sister. We are told that they are engineers, but we only really learn how smart they are when we see them in lab coats and goggles, swirling a beaker full of what appears to be Mountain Dew and pointing at it. That, I think, is the intro moment to finally topple Rob and Brennan's "here we are, reading law books in our apartment -- probably upside-down -- while squinting 'intelligently'" as the dorkiest first ten seconds of screen time a team has ever had. Azaria (the boy) tells us that they're "more intelligent" than other teams and "physically fit." God knows we've never had smart, in-shape people on the race before, so thank goodness for that! They'll roll right over everyone! Hendekea tells us that Azaria will expect to dominate her, but she assures us that she is good at making decisions, and he needs to listen to her. He will not listen to her. (Spoiler!)

Lorena and Jason are another dating couple, and their hook is that she's trying to get him to commit, and he seems to want to live together endlessly in a shack-uptopia. Of course, the challenge for a couple like this is always that the woman winds up feeling like the guy has a foot out the door, so it's important for him to find ways to reassure her that not wanting to get married doesn't mean he has a foot out the door. Jason is off to a bad start when he says, at the close of their intro, "I feel I always have a foot out the door." Note that he is a "devil may care...about my beard" sort of fella, as well as a guy who wears twee knit hats. ["As I observed when I first saw the episode, his beard is such that he appears to be someone else's evil twin. Someone's evil, non-committing twin." -- Joe R] I'm thinking maybe he should marry her before she outgrows both his lack of commitment and his configuration of hair.

Kate and Pat are married lesbian ministers. Put that in your team generator and smoke it! Pat declares that they "are not wimps for Jesus," going on to insist that being a Christian doesn't mean you have to hand the victory over to other people. Perhaps Pat is fond of the current "ministry of wealth" or whatever it is where they tell you that God wants you to be very, very rich. I used to hear commercials in Minnesota from one of the dudes who preaches that stuff ("God wants you to look out for number one," is kind of the idea), and it always creeped me out so hard I crawled right out of my skin and into a vow of poverty. Which worked out great, since I moved to New York.

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Amazing Race

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