Amazing Race
Escape Artists

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Run It Up the Pole and See Who Salutes

The twins finish lacing up the corset-victim, putting a knee against her back and pulling tight enough to make her gasp. She checks it out in the mirror and nods her approval, probably because she can't draw breath to speak. Then the twins both hug her, one of them even picking her up around the waist. They're lucky she doesn't break in half. I think if that happened, they would have to do the Speed Bump again with a new woman. It would only be fair.

The goat farmers realize they're leading everyone in circles, so Josh pulls in at a gas station, even as Brent protests that they have to stay ahead of the twins. Yes, Brent, it would be great to hold onto a lengthy lead in the wrong direction. The other two teams pull in worriedly behind them, for now.

Back at the Chateau de Villandry, the twins return to the "stupid dog" and get to belatedly open their next clue sending them to Da Vinci's final resting place. So they run back to their car, praying for a flat tire for "the gays," which is a phrase I'd really like them to stop using already. Of course, if that were to happen, the other teams are all equally screwed, because they're still trying to get directions and proceed to the next place in a three-team clump. And meanwhile, the twins appear to be getting themselves on the way to Amboise on their own just fine.

The other teams' cars approach the castle. Trey & Lexi grab the first parking spot they see, while the goat farmers decide to try driving up closer to the entrance and Jaymes is getting his Leonardos mixed up, referring to DiCaprio instead of da Vinci, much to the amusement of both of them. Sure, they have similar names, but if da Vinci had been in Inception those dream-sharing machines would have been real. Anyway, the Chippendales and the goat farmers end up meeting again outside and start searching for the church at the chateau while Trey & Lexi appear to go right there, into an amazing rooftop rotunda, where they find the clues strapped to the flower pot. But all three open them so close together that there aren't even ranks any more. I know everyone hates all the alliances this season, but I bet nobody hates them more than the people who write the "Currently In [nth] Place" subtitles. Anyway, the clue is for a Detour, with the choice being "Plow" or "Chow," both of which Phil says are "age-old French traditions." Indeed, those are two of my favorite French words.

Over footage of some rich French dude who somehow survived the Revolution riding on horseback while blowing a horn and surrounded by a pack of beagles, Phil says, "The royal French tradition of hunting with dogs dates back hundreds of years and is still practiced today." Take that, guillotine. For "Chow," the teams will have to make the "daily meal for a pack of hungry hunting hounds," which we see about to mob a trainer in a small courtyard. More specifically, the racers will need to cut, weigh, and sort different kinds of meat to put together a well-balanced meal, and then lay it out in a long pile in the fenced-off feeding area, along with a bunch of kibble. For "Plow," the teams will hit the field and use a horse and plow to cut four furrows, which is all it will take to earn their next clue. Yes, a horse and not an ox, alas, but I'm still hoping someone will angrily scream, "My horse is broken!" at some point.

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Amazing Race

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