Amazing Race
Amazing Race

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Miss Alli: A | 534 USERS: C+
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Triumph of the Bill

Joe gamely gnaws and gnaws and gnaws at the chicken, and finally finishes. They get the clue and run for a cab as well.

As they get into their cab, the Frats read that they have to get to the Temple of Heaven Park. The Guidos get into their cab, too. And somehow, some way, as the cabs pull out, the Guidos' driver manages to maneuver them a better spot, and soon we're sitting in dead traffic, with the Guidos up ahead of Kevin and Drew. Damn. Kevin points out that this is what always happens, and I have to agree. "We're done," Drew says. What he doesn't know is that Guido's driver doesn't seem to know where he's going, in particular. He's upset about it, too -- literally smacking himself in the head. Eek. Chill out, Guido Driver. The Frats' driver, on the other hand, seems to know. "This is it," Kevin says. "Taxi race." "Man, I beat him with the food, and I can't believe this," Drew despairs. As Guido struggles to explain the concept of "south gate," Drew and Kevin decide that since they've reached the park and can see the Temple, they're going to gamble on finding the right entrance, and they hop out of the cab. They run toward the park. Joe, it appears, digs the words for "south" and "gate" out of various books and relays them to the Guidos' driver. (Oh, sure. The language skills he's been insufferable about for months would have to actually be relevant for once, at the worst possible moment.) Meanwhile, Kevin and Drew run around inside the park perimeter, looking for the south gate. It appears that the Guidos' driver has figured it out. Inside the park, Drew and Kevin run for it.

And then, just like that, the Guidos are on the mat. Boom. Welcome, Team Guido, you are team number three. They hug and jump up and down. Right now, I hate them. I don't really hate them, of course, but right now? I hate them. "We have been telling each other, remember what Winston Churchill said during the darkest days of World War Two," Joe says, preparing to misquote Winston Churchill while appropriating unto himself the suffering of millions. "'Never give up. Fight to the end. Fight till you die. Just go on, we'll die trying.'" He also cries. Uh, Joe? Winston Churchill never said anything particularly like that, according to anything I've been able to find. He has a very famous "never give in" speech, but not a shred of the rest of what Joe said is in it. And does "fight till you die" really sound like Winston Churchill? ["It sounds like Jerry Bruckheimer, is what it sounds like. Heh." -- Sars] It appears (and I'll certainly correct myself next week if I'm wrong) that what Joe meant to say was, "We have been telling each other, remember that Winston Churchill once said something about perseverance."

Amazing Race

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