Amazing Race
Fight To The Last Minute

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Triumph of the Bill

Commercials. My local news station would like me to know that the ten o'clock news will feature a story about a new and fabulous vasectomy procedure. The teaser features some expert-type saying, "Put the clip on, and you're done!" Ummm…ow. I mean, I don't know the details, and I can't fully appreciate the situation, but, you know, just sympathetically…ow.

6:00 AM. Joe explains that he and Bill (who, in this interview, match right down to the exact angles at which their collars are turned up -- I'm telling you, it's sometimes creepy) have been entirely focused on getting to the final three, and they haven't yet considered how they'll win the whole race. Do you really need a new plan? Isn't "try to get there before everybody else" pretty much gonna do it in terms of a plan?

Frats, in an interview, describe their activities overnight. They stayed in a nice hotel and, as Drew says, "had food." He pauses. "Not Chinese food, because we're in China…" Kevin: "It's just food." Okay, point one? That's funny. Point two? Pssst. That's kind of an old joke. But don't tell anybody I pointed it out. While having just-food, they met their interpreter. "We got one team to beat here," Kevin says in the cab on the way to the market. "We're running neck-and-neck with Bert and Ernie." At the market, the Guidos recruit an interpreter as well, to go into the market with them. Basically, the teams run exactly together through the market, from stall to stall, buying what they're supposed to buy. At one point, Kevin seems to be wanting to slow the Guidos down, but it's not a very well-formed plan, given that they're all bunched together, and they don't really seem to try to do it. (They do sort of cut in front of Bill, which makes Bill roll his eyes in disgust. He's very offended, of course.)

They make their way to the food court to get their stuff cooked. Joe and Drew are doing the task. It looks for a minute like the chef might be first-come, first-served, but after the Guidos give him their food, he takes the Frats' food, too. Bill calls Joe over to a table to chat. "You know he's just gonna guzzle," he says. Honestly, Bill could come up with something else to say about the Frats, don't you think? He seems like a smart enough guy. Anyway, Kevin counsels Drew on popping the beetles in his mouth as fast as possible, while the chef cuts up the squid. Ick. Drew thinks it's a lot of food. Kevin doesn't. "You ate last night like you were going to the electric chair," Kevin says, and Drew laughs, a good, happy, broad, lovely, relaxed laugh, which is really odd and nice, considering the tense circumstances. Kevin tries to visualize the food as a normal dinner: "The acorns [I think he's telling Drew to think of the beetles as acorns] are the appetizer, the chicken feet are the pasta, and the fish [squid] is the main course." Hee. I love Kevin. "I'm not that hungry," Drew shrugs. "We ate Danish this morning." Hee. I love Drew, too. (Not that I'm longing for the recently-engaged or anything -- and congratulations, Drew!) "No MSG!" Drew calls to the chef. Man, I could watch them all day. Bill encourages Joe to loosen his belt.

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Amazing Race

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