Amazing Race
Fishy Kiss

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M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Franked Again

Josh & Brent make it to the mat as team number four, "Which means you are still in the race," Phil says. "I can't say you look exactly happy about the idea of being team number four," he observes. Josh says they hated to leave Abbie and Ryan behind, so Phil kindly offers to eliminate these two instead. But Josh has finally come to his senses enough to decline, though not as forcefully as Brent does. "We believe that the person who deserves to win the race will win the race," says Brent, clearly a new viewer. "And if was Ryan and Abbie's time to go, then that's what happened, and we're still in it, and we're still running. We're going hard right to the end." "Promise?" Phil asks. Brent promises Phil, and asks Josh to promise him, which Josh does. I'm not sure I buy it. But did you see how I didn't touch that "going hard right to the end" line?

Ryan shoes up at the ditch and asks, "Is there a demonstration?" As a near-final humiliation, on top of everything else he's suffered today, he lands waist-deep in the water on his first attempt. And his second. The "strongest team," ladies and gentlemen. From the sidelines, Abbie runs down the litany of the day's frustrations: "From getting to a flight thirty minutes early and them closing the doors on us for no reason to sitting on the tarmac and a plane basically breaking down today, it's like we can't catch a break." Ryan's third attempt gets his feet just barely on the bank, and he pushes back on the pole behind him to get his balance onto land. "And then the topper was our friends U-Turning us," Abbie concludes. "It sucks." Ryan manages to get back onto the right side of the ditch, and they jog through town to the mat, where it's getting dark enough that crickets are chirping and owls are hooting. I can't read the clock tower behind them because it's not fully in the shot, but it looks like it might be after ten PM already. At least it's stopped raining, though, not that it does Ryan any good, standing there before Phil and the Dutch milkmaid in his wet pants as the final-final humiliation.

Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive, "And I'm very sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race." Abbie's eyes water, and Phil asks, "Ryan, you got nothing to say?" Ryan: "Herp." Eloquent. Abbie says they just wanted to make it, and Ryan says he doesn't know what to say. "You never get a chance like this. It's not only once in a lifetime, it's once in a hundred lifetimes." He interviews, "The Chippendales cost me two million dollars." I'm sure he's not the first. "Just thinking about how much money that really is, it's life-changing. It sucks, it's a bad feeling... I don't feel like we accomplished what we set out to accomplish." Since that was winning nine legs in one race, I would have to agree. But at least they finished nine legs, which is something. "It just feels wrong, it doesn't feel right." Well, the cheery organ-grinder music that plays over the closing credits right after they leave the mat would seem to indicate that there might be those who disagree. Coincidentally, that's an old beer-hall song of celebration whose title translates roughly to "We Just Saved a Million Dollars."

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Amazing Race

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