Amazing Race
Five Continents, 25 Cities, and More Than 40,000 Miles

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Uchenna and Joyce are looking for the Onion Shack. Rob and Amber, on the other hand, are stuck behind a truck and have a driver who won't pass. Ron and Kelly are hoping to catch up. Joyce and Uchenna vow to "keep pushing," and then we are at Rose Hall, where Rob and Amber are arriving with Ron and Kelly just behind. Both teams arrive at the clue box essentially together, and they pull a clue for a Detour. The options for the Detour are Pony Up and Tee It Up. In Pony Up, you ride a horse out into the water, then as it starts swimming, you hang onto its tail as it drags you through some buoys. In Tee It Up, you go to a driving range and dress up in "appropriate golfing attire" (read: "extra padding to make the task take longer so it's not so obvious that it's faster than the horse thing"). You then hit balls at a green until they hit it. (Me: "I would definitely not do the golf, because I always prefer the task with less capacity to make me look like an idiot." Zron: "So you're saying you'd go with being dragged around behind the ass end of a horse, then.") Rob and Amber and Ron and Kelly both take the golf, with Kelly claiming she's "had those golf lessons." Both teams find the pro shop and work on getting changed. I'm convinced the shirtless boys are here just for me. Me and this show? We're like this. Rob gets changed first, and he throws Ron a "See you later, buddy" on the way out. Rob and Amber get going, and Kelly hassles Ron about being pokey. As she would.

Uchenna and Joyce are arriving at the Onion Shack at last. They grab the onions and get back in the cab. Their driver knows the Jerk Shack, so they go there.

Rob and Amber start golfing, and she comments that the clothes are sort of huge on her. They set up and tee off. Rob's first shot is into the trees. "That sucked," he says, and it's quite true. Kelly and Ron show up as Amber takes her shot. Kelly's first shot also sucks, and Ron's? Well, it makes him say "Dang," as so many things do. "I knew not playing golf would not work out in my favor at some point in my life," he comments. Many bad shots follow. Amber seems to be wildly amused at the hilarity, but she's pretty much the only one. I think she, like I, would rather be dragged behind a horse's ass -- haters of Rob and Amber, claim your punch line here! And don't say I never did anything nice for you! (Hee.)

Joyce and Uchenna go to the restaurant to chop their onions.

Amber seriously has the most chipper golfing attitude of all. "These are really good balls!" she says happily. Rob's like, "Yeah, meh," and she says, "I know, but my dad would be impressed!" Ron gets one to the green, but then it jumps off. Ron: "Dang!" (The only thing that could have improved the "Free Ron" buttons, I suppose, would be if they said, "Free Ron! (Dang!)" Rob then hits one, and his does stay on the green. He and Amber grab their clue and leave. The clue tells them to fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico, where they will find a marked car and drive nine miles to the Castillo San Felipe Del Maro Fort, where another clue awaits. Rob and Amber change (another shirtless-boy shot!), and then they run out and hop back into their cab. In the cab, Rob is apparently aware of a direct flight at 9:15 AM out of Jamaica. He begs the driver to "go fast, please."

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Amazing Race

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